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edit plz!

Everyone has at least one interesting and/or important person they know in their life that they admire, just like that I admire the most is my one and only big brother, that there are many positive characteristics I can use to describe him. I have stated both positive and negative characteristic such as, affectionate, late, and hard-working.
The first characteristic is that he is very caring and affectionate to me and others. He always love to see others happy and especially when I’m sad, he will makes joke and twists his face to make me laugh. I have to admit that he is very caring towards my family. I learned that even though he doesn’t talk to my dad much I realized that he will be there for him when in need. I knew that he was very affectionate but didn’t expect to be this affectionate. It all happened when my dad was getting sick from his diabetic and was in hospital bed for few weeks that he always screams in pain that my brother was always by his side to massage him. With his busy schedule he has actually made time to take care of my dad. That was the first time even my dad realized that even though my brother doesn’t communicate well with him, there is always affection deep in his heart.
The only thing I hate about him is that he sometimes shows up late. He never come to pick me up on time that I always end up having to wait for a long time, and of course I get furious and let him know, and as usual he will try to make me laugh at the same time. Sometimes if he knows he’s going to be late to pick me up and knows I’m going to be mad at him, he will buy something like food or snacks on the way to cool me. He is just too good at making me forgive him easily. Because of the love I have for my brother I can never get mad at him except to forgive him.
He also happens to be a very hard-worker. He works and earn for his family. He is the type who likes to surprise me with many things. There is once when I asked him for an Ipod-Touch, and he strictly said no and told me that he was tight in his financial and hearing that I walked away silently understanding the situation. But he had surprised me by a few weeks later with the Ipod-Touch which he bought with his hard-earned money, that I couldn’t find a way to thanks him, especially god for giving me a brother like him.
To sum up, these are part of his characteristics and to add more he is also very helpful, ambitious, forgiving, friendly and responsible. My brother and I are someone who is there for each other and for others when in need. I am very grateful to have a brother like him and hoping to have him as my brother in my next birth and forever

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  2. 👎
  3. 👁
Thara!

  1. Have you read -- really read -- your essay?

    I couldn't get past your first "sentence."

    "Everyone has at least one interesting and/or important person they know in their life that they admire, just like that I admire the most is my one and only big brother, that there are many positive characteristics I can use to describe him."

    Not only is it a run-on sentence, it also includes at least one wrong word.

    Looking at your next to last sentence --
    "My brother and I are someone who is there for each other and for others when in need."

    Does it make sense to you?

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
    Ms. Sue

  2. Everyone has at least one important person they know in their life that they admire, just like that I admire my big brother the most. I have stated both positive and negative characteristics such as, affectionate, late, and hard-working.

    To sum up, these are part of his characteristics and to add more he is also very helpful, ambitious, forgiving, friendly and responsible. My brother and I are someone who is there for each other. I am very grateful to have a brother like him and hoping to have him as my brother in my next birth and forever

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
    Thara!

  4. Faulty pronoun references:

    Everyone . . . in their life . . . they admire

    My brother and I are someone . . .

    Subject/verb agreement:
    He always love
    he will makes
    He never come

    Is English your second language?

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
    Ms. Sue

  5. yes! :S

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
    Thara!

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