English

Is this thesis statement better .

Solving our economical problems of fear and destruction that has been created among gang violence and drug trafficking, is more challenging than society imagine.

The topic of the essay : " Gang Violence and Destruction ".

This is for the persuasive essay on fear and destruction of gang violence .

I read the website that was suggested. However, I got confused when you stated I needed to add YOU to my thesis statement. I did not understand what you was saying .

Thank you for helping me.

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  1. When I wrote that YOU need to be in your thesis statement, I meant that YOUR OPINION, YOUR STANCE, YOUR POSITION about your topic needs to be clear. Thesis statements are comprised of facts and opinion. Without one or the other, it's not a thesis statement.

    Fact only: I bought a new Honda in 1991.

    Opinion: I grew to hate my Honda because something was constantly going wrong with it.

    Thesis: I grew to hate my new 1991 Honda because something was constantly going wrong with it.

    Get it?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I think your thesis statement above is much improved:
    Solving our economical problems of fear and destruction that has been created among gang violence and drug trafficking, is more challenging than society imagine.

    I'd rephrase the sections in bold, however: Solving our economic problems of fear and destruction that have been created through gang violence and drug trafficking is more challenging than society can imagine.

    The underlined words have been corrected; there should be no comma after "trafficking."

    Let us know what you think.

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  2. Also -- I don't know exactly what you mean here: " ... our economical problems of fear and destruction ... " [Remember: it should be "economic" not "economical."]

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