for my descriptive essay, my teachaer approved the Asheville outline that i made...that's why i was waiting to start writing.
here is the extended outline. please make any corrections:
Broad Subject: vacation spots
Limited Topic: Asheville, North Carolina
Main idea about this topic: fun place
Thesis without three-step format: Asheville is a fun and relaxing place to visit
Three-step Format for thesis: river, picnic spots, ice-cream parlor
Thesis with three-step format: Asheville, North Carolina, is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors.
Outline
Introduction: Paragraph 1
a. Main idea for the essay – Asheville is a fun place
b. Thesis-Asheville, North Carolina, is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors.
Body: Topic sentences for paragraphs 2, 3, and 4
a. Asheville’s river is refreshing and relaxing (paragraph 2)
b. The picnic spots are beautiful and peaceful (paragraph 3)
c. There are various ice-cream parlors for more fun and enjoyment (paragraph 4)
Conclusion: Paragraph 5
a. Restated thesis statement—Asheville is a good vacation spot
b. Ends with a clincher—
(i'm not sure about the last thing--clincher)
a. Main idea for the essay – Asheville is a fun place
b. Thesis-Asheville, North Carolina, is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors.
Body: Topic sentences for paragraphs 2, 3, and 4
a. Asheville’s river is refreshing and relaxing (paragraph 2)
b. The picnic spots are beautiful and peaceful (paragraph 3)
c. There are various ice-cream parlors for more fun and enjoyment (paragraph 4)
Conclusion: Paragraph 5
a. Restated thesis statement—Asheville is a good vacation spot
b. Ends with a clincher—
i'm not sure why it's not showing...
Outline
Introduction: Paragraph 1
a.Main idea for the essay – Asheville is a fun place
b.Thesis-Asheville, North Carolina, is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors.
Body: Topic sentences for paragraphs 2, 3, and 4
a.Asheville’s river is refreshing and relaxing (paragraph 2)
b.The picnic spots are beautiful and peaceful (paragraph 3)
c.There are various ice-cream parlors for more fun and enjoyment (paragraph 4)
Conclusion: Paragraph 5
a.Restated thesis statement—Asheville is a good vacation spot
b.Ends with a clincher—
(i'm not sure about the last thing--clincher)
ex.
Broad Subject: Frank O’Conner’s “First Confession”
Limited Topic: Jackie’s trait (Jackie is a character in “First Confession.”)
Main idea about this topic: childishness (He is a character who demonstrated childish actions in “First Confession.”)
Thesis without three-step format: The main trait of Jackie is in his childishness
Three-step Format for thesis: responses, outlook, anger
Thesis with three-step format: Jackie’s childishness is emphasized in his responses, outlook, and anger.
Outline
Introduction: Paragraph 1
a.Main idea for the essay—Jackie’s childishness
b.Thesis—Jackie’s childishness is emphasized in his responses, outlook, and anger
Body: Topic sentences for paragraphs 2, 3, and 4
a.Jackie’s responses show childishness impressionability (paragraph 2)
b.His outlook reflects the simplicity of a child (paragraph 3)
c.His anger is also that of a child (paragraph 4)
Conclusion: Paragraph 5
a.Restated thesis statement—Jackie seems real as a child
b.Ends with a clincher—the reality and consistency of Jackie as a child
That outline should work well. Don't worry about the clincher until you've completed at least your first draft.
Tips -- you may want to use a thesaurus to find colorful synonyms. The word "fun" should only be used once (if at all) in your descriptive essay.
Also -- avoid using the "to be" verbs (am, is, are, was, were, being, been). Almost all verbs should be action words and in active, not passive.
Good luck. Please post your essay in a couple of days after you've revised your first draft.
http://thesaurus.reference.com/
ok thanks. i'm only supposed to turn in my first draft. i don't have to revise it or even finalize it. 'For the Descriptive Essay, you will ONLY CREATE A DRAFT of your essay'
so i will post it up as soon as i'm done. or if i need help
thanks again
Since you only need to turn in a draft of your essay, you don't really need the Jiskha teachers for that.
what is the main idea
Your outline for the descriptive essay on Asheville, North Carolina looks good overall. However, I noticed a couple of areas where you can make improvements.
For the introduction, you have a clear main idea for the essay, which is that Asheville is a fun place. Your thesis statement is also well-defined. It states that Asheville is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors. This thesis statement effectively sets up the main points you will discuss in the body of your essay.
In the body of your essay, you have identified the three main points that support your thesis statement: the refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors. These are good choices for highlighting the fun aspects of Asheville. However, it would be beneficial to break down each main point into subpoints or specific examples. This will help provide a more detailed and organized essay.
Below is a revised outline with suggested changes:
Outline:
Introduction: Paragraph 1
- Main idea for the essay: Asheville is a fun place
- Thesis: Asheville, North Carolina, is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors.
Body: Topic sentences for paragraphs 2, 3, and 4
- Paragraph 2: The refreshing river
- Subpoint 1: The options for water activities (e.g., kayaking, tubing)
- Subpoint 2: The scenic beauty along the riverbanks
- Paragraph 3: Beautiful picnic spots
- Subpoint 1: Parks with picturesque landscapes
- Subpoint 2: Opportunities for outdoor activities (e.g., hiking, frisbee)
- Paragraph 4: Various ice-cream parlors
- Subpoint 1: Different flavors and unique creations
- Subpoint 2: Family-friendly ambiance and entertainment options
Conclusion: Paragraph 5
- Restated thesis statement: Asheville is a fun and relaxing vacation spot
- Clincher: A statement that leaves a final impression on the reader (e.g., a personal reflection, a call to action, expressing excitement)
Remember, the clincher is your chance to make a lasting impact on the reader and leave them with a memorable final thought. You can consider sharing a personal anecdote about your own experience in Asheville or encourage the reader to visit this fun vacation spot themselves to create their own memories.
Overall, your extended outline is well-structured, and with the suggested improvements, your descriptive essay on Asheville is bound to be engaging and informative. Good luck with your writing!