From what was commented on my report on tooth bleaching hazards, I was curious to know what exactly everyone thought about it. I really thought from the comments I read besides those from drwls, that ideas were inconclusive as to whether it was a good report or not. As I've worked very hard (a week to be exact) on the report, I would like to be enlightened as to if it was good or not. In addition please explain why you think this about the report because I'll definately ask. ;D
(I know that there are gramatical errors so I'm not refering to those kind of flaws [I seriously don't know how to distinguish where to place a comma from a colon])
This post is specifically directed toward both Ms.Sue & Dr.Bob but if anybody else would like to comment on my essay you are most welcome to.
(my essay is under a post of a identical title below)
Thanks alot =D
The report looks very good to me. I'm not an expert in this field, so I won't be able to spot any factual errors.
One thing that should be improved (in my opinion) are the citations. But it may be that you were given specific guidlines on this.
In scientific reports it is customary to give inline citations to the literature whenever you mention some fact.
E.g. you wrote:
"Saccharin poses it’s own risks as many studies have been done on it’s possible carcinogenic effects. In addition Congress originally required that all saccharin containing products have a label stating it’s possible carcinogenic effect, but in 2000 the law was repealed."
What you should do is find the references for some of these studies. Also find the reference for the law passed by congress and the source where we can find that it was repealed. Include these references in the reference list. If in the ref list the citations appear at position [11], [12],.. [16] the paragraph would look like:
"Saccharin poses it’s own risks as many studies have been done on it’s possible carcinogenic effects, see e.g. [11,12,13,14]. In addition Congress originally required that all saccharin containing products have a label stating it’s possible carcinogenic effect [15], but in 2000 the law was repealed [16]."
Also you should think about making a sentence like: "Saccharin poses it’s own risks" more specific. As it is written now, this is your conclusion based on the fact that some studies have been done on carcinogenic effects.
But it would be more interesting to read about the results of those studies and the reasons why these studies were carried out.
E.g. it may be that all these studies are all negative, but that there are strong theoretical grounds to believe why carcinogenic effects may exists and that those reasons motivated the studies. Then you could give those reasons (with citation, of course).
In contrast to Count Iblis, I assume your intended audience was the general public, not a formal scientific paper. As an article that might appear in a popular magazine or newspaper, your report seems to be credible and convincing. For those reasons, I believe you've written a very good report.
I enjoyed your report and learned from it. It was well researched and documented. Do not underestimate the importance of proper grammar, punctuation and spelling. I did not mention those because your errors were few and minor. Perfection will come with practice.
THANKS VERY MUCH for your opinion and YES I do know about my citation...absence so to speak of
If I was actually writing this for a grade in class I would have done and cited EVERYTHING trust me. It was just a side activity for the summer.
I was thinking that If I was actually writing a detailed scientific paper I could elaborate on every little detail and I WAS expecting criticism on that.
Thanks again for your opinion on my paper =D
My intended audience was intended for the general public but it also could have turned into a formal scientific paper if I wanted it to BUT for now in it's current state it looks like a draft. I could have elaborated on many many details if it was formal.
THANKS ALOT Ms.Sue for your opinion on my paper =D
I don't underestimate the importance of grammar at all. It's just that, I have problems with colons and semicolons. With anything else in grammar I rely on the principle, If it sounds wrong it IS wrong. It has ALWAYS worked for me, excluding semicolons. XD
THANKS for your opinion on my paper and I'm glad that you both enjoyed and learned from it as educating everybody was my goal =D
Based on the comments you received, it seems that there is a general consensus that your report is good and well-researched. However, there were a few suggestions for improvement.
One suggestion was to improve the citations in your report. In scientific reports, it is customary to include inline citations to the literature whenever you mention a fact. In your report, you mentioned studies on the possible carcinogenic effects of saccharin and a law passed by Congress. The commenter suggested including references for these studies and the law, and including them in the reference list. This will enhance the credibility and reliability of your report.
Another suggestion was to make specific references to the results of the studies and the reasons why they were conducted. For example, instead of simply stating that saccharin poses its own risks based on the fact that studies have been done, it would be more interesting to read about the results of those studies and the reasons behind conducting them. This will provide more depth and context to your report.
It was also mentioned that your report was well-researched and documented. However, proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling are important aspects to consider. While the errors in your report were few and minor, it is still important to strive for perfection in these areas.
In terms of your audience, one commenter assumed that your intended audience was the general public, not a formal scientific paper. They believed that your report was credible and convincing for an article that might appear in a popular magazine or newspaper. However, they also mentioned that if you intended your report to be a formal scientific paper, you could have elaborated on more details and provided more citations.
Overall, it seems that both commenters found your report to be good, enjoyable, and informative. They appreciated the effort you put into it and encouraged you to continue refining your writing skills. If you have any specific questions about their comments or any further questions, feel free to ask!