english

hi~i'm writing a paragraph about High Absenteeism from School. could you help me to correct the grammar and see whether my ideas relates to my tpoic or not.

The topic of absenteeism in school can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. There are two major reasons for most of students who keep repeating absence: peer pressure and school pressure. The term, peer pressure, is defined as the influences that happens on a person by those people who are at the same age. In general, to be disliked is always a nightmare for every student. Hence, most teenagers would think that there is less chance to be criticized if they accept what other peers tell them to do, such as skipping classes. On the other hand, school pressure usually happens on the students who are overwhelmed by the amount of school works. It is no doubt that students would have to give up their leisure time catching all the works instead of hanging out with friends. For many students, this situation seems like that there are always so many works to do, but so little time to accomplish all the works. The high expectation of parents and teachers is also the cause that often weighing teenagers down. Indeed, pressure is a normal part of our life. However, when the pressure causes negative changes of our life, it, than, becomes abnormal. My reason for choosing this issue is that absenteeism gradually becomes a common problem among teenagers that ought to be considered seriously by everyone in our society. Undoubtedly, if a teenager starts repeating skipping classes from school, it should carefully to be considered as he/she suffering from peer pressure or school pressure.


This is FAR too long for one paragraph. It's more of an essay that hasn't been divided into paragraphs.

Please work on combining sentences when needed and simplifying what you are saying. For example, those first two sentences are somewhat redundant and a bit contradictory. Try combining those ideas into one sentence.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm

When you've revised this, please re-post.

=)

it is too long for a paragraph. summarize it. good luck! :D

oh~but..i need to write 250 words for this paragraph!! so...i don't think it's too long..^^"
could someone check my grammar for me..please!!

The topic of absenteeism in school can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. There are two major reasons for students' repeated absences : peer pressure and school pressure. The term, peer pressure, is defined as the influences caused by other teens . In general, to be disliked is always a nightmare for every student. Hence, most teenagers think that there is less chance to be criticized if they accept what other peers tell them to do, such as skipping classes. On the other hand, school pressure usually happens to the students who are overwhelmed by the amount of school work. Students often must give up their leisure time to maintain their grades instead of hanging out with friends. For many students, this situation seems like that there are always so much work to do, and so little time to accomplish all the work. (leave the following part out) The high expectation of parents and teachers is also the cause that often weighing teenagers down.) Although pressure is a normal part of our lives, when the pressure causes negative changes , it than becomes abnormal. My reason for choosing this issue is that absenteeism among teenagers gradually becomes a common problem that ought to be considered seriously by everyone in our society. If a teenager begins repeatedly skipping classes , one should carefully consider whether he/she is suffering from peer pressure or school pressure.

Additional correction.... "it THEN becomes abnormal.

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asked by Jc

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