Business

Your boss wants to send a brief email message welcoming employees recently transferred to your department from your Hong Kong branch. They all speak English, but your boss asks you to review his message for clarity. What would you suggest your boss change in the following email message, and why? Would you consider this message to be audience centered? Why or why not? Revise the email so that it follows effective communication guidelines.

"I wanted to welcome you ASAP to our little family here in the States. It's high time we shook hands in person and not just across the sea. I'm pleased as punch about getting to know you all, and I for one will do my level best to sell you on America."

After researching cultural differences between the United States and Hong Kong, what advice would you give your boss?

Objective:
Examine and demonstrate appropriate responses to key diversity issues in the workplace.

There are American expressions which are not in common usage; examples are ASAP and pleased as punch. I would also wonder about the use of "family" in a business situation and "sell you" could have various meanings. I think a less "folksy" approach would be more appropriate.

In addition to the excellent suggestions made by GuruBlue, you should get rid of "wanted to" at the very beginning. Simply say, "I welcome you ... "

Have you found the other folksy stuff in this so you can change them all?

??

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asked by The One
  1. Your boss wants to send a brief email message welcoming employees recently transferred to your department from your Hong Kong branch. They all speak English, but your boss asks you to review his message for clarity. What would you suggest your boss change in the following email message, and why? Would you consider this message to be audience centered? Why or why not? Revise the email so that it follows effective communication guidelines.

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