French

I translated a summary of a story from English to French. Please correct the french. Some of the english I wrote was not perfect, but only because it would be easier for me to translate it into French.

Martin Dubois a vécu dans une ville extrayante de l'Abitibi. Dans cette ville, de jeunes garçons prendraient le l'occupation de leur père qui a été transmis de la génération à la génération. À 15 ans, Martin Dubois a été déjà construit comme un homme. Pourtant, il n'a pas voulu devenir un mineur comme son père. Il n'a pas voulu revenir à la maison avec ses vêtements tachés et son visage noir comme son père avait. Il a voulu devenir un joueur de hockey plutôt. Il était une étoile dans sa ville.

L'un septembre le soir, la famille Dubois s'assoyait à une table pour déjeuner. Le téléphone a sonné. Un demandé Martin Dubois. Il est revenu à la table et a annoncé que l'équipe de hockey de Trois Fleuves lui a offert un endroit sur l'équipe. Son père a dit que le hockey était un rêve, pendant que le mien était solide. Le mien restera pour toujours . Martin ne devrait pas abandonner ses études pour jouer au hockey. Il a demandé que si Martin parte il ne devrait pas revenir. Martin a emballé ses sacs pour partir. Tout ce qui entassé dans son sac a représenté la magie s'oppose qu'a transformé un adolescent calme dans un surhumain de l'anneau patinant.

Comme un joueur de hockey dans Trois Fleuves, Martin a dû aller à l'école souvent et aller ensuite au patinoire patinant pour l'entraînement. L'entraîneur était l’Homme-Tigre surnommé. Martin s'est entraîné systématiquement. Les matches réguliers ont commencé et Martin a dû travailler très beaucoup. L'entraînement est devenu plus difficile.

Un soir de printemps, l'équipe de Martin a subi le plus mauvais échec. Les joueurs ont commencé à lutter avec l'autre équipe. Les spectateurs ont été envoyés sur la glace pour rejoindre la bagarre. Après le parti l’Home-Tigre a commencé à brailler. Il a réclamé qu'aucun de ses joueurs n'avait les nerfs d'un champion. Martin avait un oeil gonflé et une main dans le bandage. Cet échec a eu l'air il devrait être sur le mien.

Il a alors entendu son père l'appeler avec ses mains outstretched. Il a dit à Martin qu'il ne savait pas qu'il était un si bon joueur de hockey. La main de son père était plus rugueuse avec plus de cals. Martin savait qu'il n'a pas osé abandonner son rêve.

English for reference -

Martin Dubois lived in a mining city of l’Abitibi. In that city, young boys would take up the
occupation of their father that was passed down from generation to generation. At 15 years, Martin Dubois was already built as a man. However, he did not want to become a miner like his father. He did not want to return home with his clothes stained and his face black like his father had. He wanted to become a hockey player instead. He was a star in his city.
One September evening, the Dubois family was sitting at a table to have dinner. The telephone rang. One asked for Martin Dubois. He came back to the table and announced that the team of hockey of Three Rivers offered him a place on the team. His father said that hockey was a dream, while the mine was solid. The mine will forever remain. Martin shouldn’t abandon his studies to play hockey. He requested that if Martin leaves he should not come back. Martin packed his bags to leave. All that piled in his bag represented magic object that transformed a calm adolescent into a superhuman of the skating ring.
As a hockey player in Three Rivers, Martin had to go to school frequently and then go to the skating rink for training. The trainer was nicknamed l’Homme-Tigre. Martin trained consistently. The regular matches started and Martin had to work very much. The training became more difficult.
A springs evening, Martin’s team suffered the worst defeat. The players began to fight with the other team. Spectators jumped on the ice to join the brawl. After the party l’Home-Tigre began to roar. He claimed that none of his players had the nerves of a champion. Martin had a swollen eye and a hand in the bandage. This defeat seemed like he should be on the mine.
He then heard his father call him with his hands outstretched. He told Martin that he didn’t know he was such a good player of hockey. His father’s hand was rougher with more calluses. Martin knew that he did not dare abandon his dream.




Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. As you reread your essay, look for (anything within parentheses) identifying the error. After you have corrected to the best of your ability, feel free to repost for final proofreading:

Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, June 2, 2007 at 3:50pm.

I translated a summary of a story from English to French. Please correct the french. (M/m) Some of the english (M/m) I wrote was not perfect, but only because it would be easier for me to translate it into French.

Martin Dubois a vécu dans une ville extrayante (voc = ** + minière) de l'Abitibi. Dans cette ville, de jeunes garçons prendraient le (** = redundant) l'occupation de leur père qui a été transmis de la génération à la génération. À 15 ans, Martin Dubois a été déjà construit (MD = était déjà un homme, or something else idiomatic) comme un homme. Pourtant, il n'a pas voulu devenir un (** = nonmidified) mineur comme son père. Il n'a pas voulu revenir à la maison avec ses vêtements tachés et son visage noir comme son père avait. Il a voulu devenir un joueur de hockey plutôt.(CP = adverbs usually after the conjugated verb) Il était une étoile dans sa ville.

L'un septembre le soir, (MD = Une soir de septembre) la famille Dubois s'assoyait (ort = s'asseyait) à une table pour déjeuner. Le téléphone a sonné. Un (** + Quelqu'un a) demandé Martin Dubois. Il est revenu à la table et a annoncé que l'équipe de hockey de Trois Fleuves lui a offert un endroit sur l'équipe. Son père a dit que le hockey était un rêve, pendant que le mien était solide. Le mien restera (v = for sequence of tense Conditional is better here than Future) pour toujours . Martin ne devrait pas abandonner ses études pour jouer au hockey. Il a demandé que si Martin parte (partait = "si" clause here) il ne devrait pas revenir. Martin a emballé ses sacs pour partir. Tout ce qui entassé (v = either étre + past participle or l'imparfait) dans son sac a représenté la magie s'oppose qu'a (n/c = ** + la magie qui a, etc.) transformé un adolescent calme dans un surhumain de l'anneau patinant.(** = voc = la pattinoire = skating rink?)

Comme un joueur de hockey dans Trois Fleuves, Martin a dû aller à l'école souvent (see above re CP of adverb) et aller ensuite au (gen) patinoire patinant pour l'entraînement. L'entraîneur était l’Homme-Tigre surnommé. *CP = adjective follows noun) Martin s'est entraîné systématiquement. Les matches réguliers ont commencé et Martin a dû travailler très (** = redundant) beaucoup. L'entraînement est devenu plus difficile.

Un soir de printemps, l'équipe de Martin a subi le plus mauvais échec. Les joueurs ont commencé à lutter avec l'autre équipe. Les spectateurs ont été envoyés sur la glace pour rejoindre la bagarre. Après le parti l’Home-Tigre a commencé à brailler. Il a réclamé qu'aucun de ses joueurs n'avait les nerfs d'un champion. Martin avait un oeil gonflé et une main dans le bandage. Cet échec a eu l'air(qu
) il devrait être (*sur le mien.* = n/s + be on the mine???)

Il a alors entendu son père l'appeler avec ses mains outstretched.(voc = tendus) Il a dit à Martin qu'il ne savait pas qu'il était un si bon (MD = such a? un tel bon) joueur de hockey. La main de son père était plus rugueuse avec plus de cals. Martin savait qu'il n'a pas osé abandonner son rêve.

English for reference -

Martin Dubois lived in a mining city of l’Abitibi. In that city, young boys would take up the
occupation of their father that was passed down from generation to generation. At 15 years, Martin Dubois was already built as a man. However, he did not want to become a miner like his father. He did not want to return home with his clothes stained and his face black like his father had. He wanted to become a hockey player instead. He was a star in his city.
One September evening, the Dubois family was sitting at a table to have dinner. The telephone rang. One asked for Martin Dubois. He came back to the table and announced that the team of hockey of Three Rivers offered him a place on the team. His father said that hockey was a dream, while the mine was solid. The mine will forever remain. Martin shouldn’t abandon his studies to play hockey. He requested that if Martin leaves he should not come back. Martin packed his bags to leave. All that piled in his bag represented magic object that transformed a calm adolescent into a superhuman of the skating ring.
As a hockey player in Three Rivers, Martin had to go to school frequently and then go to the skating rink for training. The trainer was nicknamed l’Homme-Tigre. Martin trained consistently. The regular matches started and Martin had to work very much. The training became more difficult.
A springs evening, Martin’s team suffered the worst defeat. The players began to fight with the other team. Spectators jumped on the ice to join the brawl. After the party l’Home-Tigre began to roar. He claimed that none of his players had the nerves of a champion. Martin had a swollen eye and a hand in the bandage. This defeat seemed like he should be on the mine.
He then heard his father call him with his hands outstretched. He told Martin that he didn’t know he was such a good player of hockey. His father’s hand was rougher with more calluses. Martin knew that he did not dare abandon his dream.


Proofreading Symbols:
Barème de correction:

ort = orthographe (spelling)
gen = genre (gender)
con = concordance (agreement of subject/verb or subject/adjective or adj/noun)
inf = infinitif (infinitive required)
nom = nombre (singular/plural problem)
prép = préposition (preposition required = à, de, en, etc.)
t = temps de verbe (verb tense)
subj.=subjonctif (subjunctive needed)
v = mauvais verbe (wrong verb)
p = ponctuation (punctuation correction needed)
voc = vocabulaire (wrong vocabulary choice)
imp.= imparfait (imperfect needed)
p/c .= passé composé needed
n/s = aucun sens (not clear what you are trying to say)
/\ = il manque un mot (Missing a word)
/\ /\ /\ = il manque 3 mots (etc.) (Missing 3 words, etc.)
M/m = changer du haut de casse/bas (Change to upper or lower case)
INT = intervertir l'ordre des mots (Change word order)
Esp. = espace (Open a space)
Sesp. = sans espace (Close up the space)
SA = sans accent (Take off accent)
NP = nouveau paragraphe (New paragraph)
EM = enlever mot (Take out/omit word)
CP = changer la position (Change position)
AA = ajouter un accent (Add an accent)
GR = faute de grammaire (Grammatical error) (Specify)
** = effacer (delete) / retirer le mot précédent (Omit the preceding word)
MD = mal dit (not well said)

Hopefully I caught all, if not most, of them with the small print!

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