Can you please revise this for me?
Easily coming, easily going. Effortless work for salty streams flowing. Might come when you're here, might come when you go. But tears are definitely good work's foe

---Does the last line make sense?---

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  1. Great idea! Look at this format and let me know if it does what you want.
    About the last two line, they don't seem to go with the rest.

    Easily coming,
    Easily going.
    Effortless work,
    Salty streams flowing.
    Easily coming
    Whenever you're here,
    And easier still
    Whenever you're going.

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  2. Oh thank you so much! that's great! i wasn't sure about the last 2 lines.
    You won't mind if I use ure lines do you? ^^ also i have one on screams:
    Everywhere shouting
    sad faces pouting
    Hurting a heart
    making us part
    Giving a scare
    No one to care
    Why can't they cease,
    to bring some peace?
    thanks again :)

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  3. The one on screams works!

    You are welcome. Sometimes just formatting a poem in a different way will give it a better meaning.

    One suggestion, be aware of "beat". Beat is what makes a poem floooooowwwww. <G> Just like music.

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