English (Story Review Update)

Is this a good start to a review of "The Rocking-Horse Winner," or am I off track?

Like a teenager’s selfish desire to obtain status through possessions, Paul’s mother demonstrates the same immature importance of material objects. Paul’s mother is an example of extreme materialism that modern day teenagers could learn from in D.H Lawrence’s short story “The Rocking-Horse Winner.” This wonderful depiction of the destructive nature of materialism…

Any ideas on what I could add to it?

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  1. I think that you have some great ideas. Check your first paragraph for repetition. I will be interested to see you develop this idea.

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  2. I see the repetition, but how should I reword it or edit?

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