english

This is my conclusion to my essay titled "dress codes in schools". Any corrections or suggestions please?

Conclusion

We, as parents expect the learning environment to be safe for our children. How does that get accomplished when students are pushed to commit suicide because their peers make fun of them because of what they wear or cannot afford to wear? If dress codes are enforced in schools, it gives a feeling of unity and equality among students. There will no longer be the case of mistaken identity when students unknowingly wear gang colors to schools and may get hurt by gang members. The high rate of violent crimes in schools will reduce significantly once dress codes are enforced.

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  1. First, are you a parent? If so, that is a good way to start. I smoothed out some of the awkward construction a tad. If you have further questions, please ask.

    We, as parents expect the learning environment to be safe for our children.
    What a student wears has often been the source of ridicule, resulting in student emotional distress and sometimes suicide. What a student wears has often been the source of ridicule, resulting in student emotional distress and sometimes suicide. The high rate of violent crimes in schools will reduce significantly once dress codes are enforced.
    Dress codes give a feeling of unity and equality among students by removing the source of social and economic difference. A student will be safer and bbehave as one of a group of peers.

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  2. I got the same sentence in there twice... please ignore... also the new paragraph at the bottom should be ignored.

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  3. This is BRILLIANT, thank you.

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