can someone edit/ give any feedback on this?
Additionally, my essay The Latent Path to Progression demonstrates how creative freedom is necessary in the development of societal contributions that will ultimately lead to its progression. For instance, I present how “I ...pondered the peculiar poetry of Maya Angelou, feeding off its inspiration for my own work. [She] bled [her]trailblazing ideas through [her] art, neglecting to fear the daunting oblivion of failure. I, too, adopted this mindset, as it was my only hope of triumph. In the end, I was dismissed a path to follow, and was instead forced to lead an original one" (Savino, 2)
Through this excerpt, I demonstrate how Maya Angelou expressed herself freely through poetic form, thereby inspiring myself to do the same. This artist was purposefully chosen, as she creatively spoke out for equality amongst all genders and races through her poetry during a time black women were considered the lowest rankings in society. Through this expression of creative freedom, Angelou found great success, fame, and social influence. Although, Gilbert would argue that Angelou should have limited her creativity by attributing it to an outside entity, as her creative life would surely have declined following her first book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and its legendary success. Although, doing so would have restricted her in taking full initiative for her work and creating the successes following these pieces. She mandated freedom to think of, create, and present such creatively brave work, as her abilities to do so produced some of the most valuable contributions to our society today that serve duties from teacher’s lessons to others’ inspirations in life. In fact, her candid work even paved way for the Civil Rights movement in of itself. Therefore, it is this creatively brave mindset that leads to the famous poets, trailblazen leaders, and other significant figures who have served as vital to societal progression. Much like Angelou and Plath, society needs similarly creative minds such as outspoken Martin Luther King, discoverer Michael Faraday, and others who necessitate creative freedom in order to produce their attributions to society's progression. In this way, the essay The Latent Path to Progression written by myself proves this notion.
Sure! Based on the given excerpt, here is my feedback:
Overall, the essay effectively explores the idea of creative freedom being crucial for societal progression. The introduction provides a clear indication of the essay's focus, and the use of a personal anecdote helps to engage the reader.
In terms of structure, the essay maintains a logical flow, with each paragraph building upon the previous one. The examples of Maya Angelou and other significant figures are relevant and support the central argument. It might be helpful to further develop the points made about Martin Luther King and Michael Faraday, explaining how their creative freedom contributed to their respective contributions to society.
The use of quotes from the essay "The Latent Path to Progression" adds credibility and provides specific evidence to support the argument. However, there are a few instances where the essay could benefit from further analysis or explanation of the quotes. For example, after quoting the argument against Maya Angelou's creative freedom, it would be helpful to provide a counter-argument or rebuttal to strengthen the essay's position.
In terms of language and style, the essay is generally well written and conveys the ideas effectively. However, there are a few areas where the wording could be refined or clarified. For instance, instead of saying "she bled her trailblazing ideas through her art," you could consider a more direct and concise way of expressing the same idea, such as "she fearlessly expressed her groundbreaking ideas through her art."
Additionally, make sure to proofread the essay for any grammatical errors or typos that might have been overlooked. Generally, the writing is coherent and well-structured, but there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity or flow.
In summary, the essay effectively discusses the importance of creative freedom in societal progression. With some further analysis and fine-tuning of language and style, the essay can be strengthened even more.