Analysis proofreading

Hi for my analysis on The String Theory by David Wallace Foster I had to discuss 3 writing techniques the author used and give an example. Can I please get it proofread?

After reading the article The String Theory, by David Foster Wallace, there were three writing techniques that I thought Wallace used very well. The first technique I thought he used very well was informative/explanatory. Wallace did well at explaining the stages and process of tennis which clarified why some professional tennis players are obscure and unknown to the public eye. For example Wallace talked about a world-class tennis player named Michael Joyce, who probably many haven’t heard of unlike well-known tennis players Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras. Some tennis players that are below a certain ranking have to compete in a pretournament called ‘qualies,’ which aren’t televised and those determine who’s eligible to compete in the actual televised tournaments.
Wallace was also very descriptive, particularly when he talks about the world-class tennis players. He describes their physical characteristics in full detail. For example he writes “Jakob is six foot two and built like a halfback, his blond hair in a short square Eastern European cut, with icy eyes and cheekbones.” The third technique Wallace uses is first-person, instead of just presenting facts; he also incorporated his own opinions and ideas into the article. For example Wallace writes, “It’s impossible to tell whether [Joyce] is a virgin. It seems staggering and impossible, but my sense is that he might be. Then again, I tend to idealize and distort him, I know because of how I feel about what he can do on a tennis court.”

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asked by Blaze
  1. Blaze -- with your journalistic training, you should be able to do a better job of editing yourself. It's full of redundancies, runon sentences, and wordiness.

  2. Sorry.. I'll do better.

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    posted by Blaze

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