Language Art

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There is this Kingdom hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses in Arvada Colorado that I just love to go to every Sunday and Tuesday. If I were to describe it, and why I love it so much, I would want to capitalize on things like the talks that the brothers give, commitment, everybody gets a chance to talk, and most of all the love that everybody shares. When the brothers at the kingdom hall give their talks is feels so refreshing, as a brother stands on the stage his words fall out in such beauty, grace, and wisdom. He shares the truth so any who are willing to listen get to expand their knowledge on the truth. A brother will ask a question so that anyone that is there is able to give an answer. The questions that the brother asks are bible related, so that people that have been studying the bible can answer. The people who have knowledge in the truth and want to learn have much commitment; they go door to door with smiles across their face egger to spread the good news. They know that they save many lives in the process; they give their work their all. Explaining that Jehovah our god is the father of Jesus and that Jehovah is going to bring a new world to all that believe in him. They leave no question unanswered, if people would like to have visits regularly with them they will set up a time and date and were they would meet, they also invite them to meetings at the kingdom hall. When you come to the meeting that you are invited to the brothers and sisters welcome you with warm hugs and hellos their love wraps you up in what feels like a warm blanket. Their bond just goes to show you how wonderful and loving the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses really is.

My teacher told me that I have to fix it so that the paragraphs transition and no run on sentences and I looked my text over and I don't know where to fix it please help me.

  • Language Art -

    This is extremely wordy:
    "If I were to describe it, and why I love it so much, I would want to capitalize on things like the talks that the brothers give, commitment, everybody gets a chance to talk, and most of all the love that everybody shares."
    What can you cut out but still keep the main meaning?

    Read this aloud and let us know how you decide to fix it:
    "When the brothers at the kingdom hall give their talks is feels so refreshing, as a brother stands on the stage his words fall out in such beauty, grace, and wisdom."
    (Should it be 2 sentences?)

    This is a run-on:
    "They leave no question unanswered, if people would like to have visits regularly with them they will set up a time and date and were they would meet, they also invite them to meetings at the kingdom hall."
    How will you fix it?
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

    In addition to all of the above,
    1 - read the whole paper aloud to someone ... or ask someone to read it aloud to you.
    2 - cut out all excessive words/phrases.
    3 - make sure all sentences are complete and punctuated correctly.

  • Language Art -

    PS -- If all that is one paragraph, you have another job to do ... separate it into paragraphs and make sure each paragraph has a topic sentence and supporting sentences.
    https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/606/01/

  • Language Art -

    For the should it be two sentences. Should it be When the brothers stand on the stage to present their talk they do it with such beauty, grace, and wisdom that leaves me feeling so refreshed.

  • Language Art -

    I still don't understand what you mean by run ons.

  • Language Art -

    "When the brothers stand on the stage to present their talk they do it with such beauty, grace, and wisdom that leaves me feeling so refreshed."
    This is much better, but it needs a comma after "present."

    ------------

    Did you read that linked webpage about run-ons and comma splices?

    Here's another: http://www.myenglishteacher.net/runonsentences.html

  • Language Art -

    Are the quotation marks at the when and present supposed to go in paper like that?

  • Language Art -

    It's perfect to me! I'm a Jehovah's Witness! And yes it's so true when you go to the meetings it's beautiful! But going to the pioneer school..it's something that the pioneers just can't describe. My next goal is to go to the pioneer school and after that I want to go to Bethel! 😁😄

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