Please help! Please correct any mistakes
Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job. Her previous experiences are
working as a cashier and sales clerk at two department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar
stores in your town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a reliable assistant
to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she doesn’t think she is as capable as she is, and
you’re sure she’d be good at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You e-mail her a paragraph explaining the
specifics of the job and the reasons she should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job
skills required. You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use correct business writing
to show her that you take your recommendation seriously
See the Related Questions below.
Thank you so much. I have reviewed all of them. But was just hoping I could get another set of eyes on this.
Here is the paragraph, can you please give your opinions?? thanks so very ver much for your help.
Paragraph 2
Hi Jenny,
I am so excited to hear that you are looking for employment here in Summerville! I know you have previously worked as a cashier and sales clerk, but would you consider a change? My boss, Mr. Tom Hartman, the owner of Sunspot Fire and Equipment is looking for an assistant. He is seeking a dependable person that is a self-motivated, team player that has a desire to succeed. The job requires answering phones, data entry, scheduling appointments, typing and filing documents. You certainly have the skills for this position. You communicate with people very well; you are detail-oriented and very organized. I know how dependable, prompt, and honest you are, as well as always open to learn new things. I believe you should apply for this job because you have the skills. I hope you consider applying for this position. It would be great to have you on our team.
Wishing you the best,
Darlene
Can you please review my revised paragraph? I have been working on this for two weeks. Need help! thanks so much
Subject: Exciting Job Opportunity - Perfect Match for You!
Hey [Cousin's Name],
I hope this email finds you well. I have some incredibly exciting news to share with you! There's a job opening as a reliable assistant to my boss, and I genuinely believe you are the perfect fit for it. I know you may not realize it, but your previous experiences as a cashier and sales clerk at two department stores have equipped you with the exact skills needed for this role.
Let me explain the specifics of the job so you can see why I'm so excited about this opportunity for you. As my boss's assistant, you would be responsible for various administrative tasks, such as managing calendars, coordinating meetings, and organizing documents. Your excellent organizational skills and attention to detail, honed during your time as a cashier and sales clerk, would be invaluable in this role.
Furthermore, your previous experiences in customer service have shown that you have a natural knack for building relationships and providing exceptional support. These skills are highly valued in this position as you would be interacting with various individuals, both internally and externally.
I understand that you may not feel as capable as you truly are, but trust me when I say that you have all the necessary qualities to excel in this role. From your reliability and strong work ethic to your ability to handle demanding situations with grace, you possess everything my boss is looking for.
I wouldn't recommend this opportunity to just anyone; I genuinely believe in your potential and know that you would thrive in this role. Working with my boss will provide you with valuable experience, growth opportunities, and the chance to make a real impact.
So, what do you say? Give it a shot! Take a leap of faith and apply for this position. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'm here to support you every step of the way, and I know you can do this.
Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or if there's anything I can do to assist you during the application process. Good luck, and remember, you've got this!
Best regards,
[Your Name]