Whats wrong with my essay i got F on this? Critique please
Better Friend
According to the article, “women have a higher quality when it comes to relationship than men”. Having friends is important because they know our assets and our flaws. In a relationship, Men tend to be quiet and less emotional, while women are good listeners and vocal to what they feel. For many reasons, women are better at handling relationships than men.
First of all, “Women have a deeper relationship than men”, were according to article. Women have face-to-face friendships. Women are vocal when sharing their problems to their friends. In result. They develop deeper relationships with each other. While men base their friendship on activities, they can talk about basketball or cars the whole day, but their conversation has limits. Men can’t talk about their problems to each other because that’s the nature of men. According to t5he article “In surveys, men routinely list their spouses as their best friends”, men relies on women to fulfill their emotional needs.
Also, when it comes to friendship relationships women are more listeners than men. Men are rational; they don’t have time to listen to other people’s problems because they only want to listen to something that will make them feel better. While girls are open minded, they listen to every detail that the other person is saying whether it is a problem or not, and they always give feedbacks.
Finally, Women are reliable. According to the article, “Men feel their greater support from women”, Women are natural cheerers, and they know how they can support a friend. A mother is a perfect example of how reliable a woman can be, She bases her decisions emotionally and always thinks about her family before her. Women are reliable that they can help their friends in a heart beat.
To sum up my discussion, Women have a higher quality than men when it comes to handling friendships. Both men and Women feel closer to females who give support. No one in this world can live without a friend on their side whether it is a man or a woman. Friends are important to everyone’s life and can learn from each other. Everyone needs a friend to be able to enjoy life.
I think one reason is that there are a lot of grammatical errors.
so that's one ok
First of all, shame on the teacher who didn't tell you why. How do you expect to get better if no one tells you where you went wrong?!! I'll check the mechanics (or grammar) for you.
You simply say "the article" and the reader has no idea what article that is. I assume what you have in quotes is the title of the article, but look again at what should be capitalized.
Why have you capitalized Men and Women in some places? "and vocalize what they feel." (note I changed the wording a bit.)
Drop were "according to the article." You could take 2 simple sentences and combine them into a complex sentence, as in this example: Women have face-to-face friendships and are vocal when sharing their problems to ("with" rather than "to") their friends. As a result (those 2 words are NOT a sentence), they develop......(etc.)
Always proofread to catch anything like this error: "t5he " = the...men rely (plural subject = plural verb)
Depending upon where you are (American vs British/Australian English) the comma might go inside the quote.
...friendship relationships, women are better.....feedback (singular noun, not plural)
There is that capital W again for "women"....from women." or from women". depending upon where you are. (American English vs. British English punctuation) That is a sentence unless you use a semi-colon, for example and then women would be lower case (not capital)
before herself. (talking about mothers)
...are realiable in that they can...
No one (is singular) so not "their" but "his/her" ...improtant to everyone's life and they can learn from each other.
I find no fault with what you have to say, but spelling, punctuation, connectors need work. Perhaps English is not your native language. However, I don't know anything about the level of English you are studying.
When I give a student (or students) a prompt (something to write on), they also know the rubric I will use to score the papers. In my opinion, students have a right to know the basis of the grade(s) they receive. If you suggest that nicely to your teacher, that might happen for your next essay. Don't be afraid to ask for extra help before or after class, especially WHY you received an F so you can do better the next time.
Sra
According to the article, “women have a higher quality when it comes to relationship than men”.
What is the name of this article? If it's what you enclosed in quotes, then the key words should be capitalized. It also makes this an incomplete sentence. If not, then why use the quotes? Relationships should be plural.
First of all, “Women have a deeper relationship than men”, were according to article.
What do you mean by were?
Women are vocal when sharing their problems to their friends.
Wrong preposition
In result.
Incomplete sentence
According to t5he article “In surveys, men routinely list their spouses as their best friends”, men relies on women to fulfill their emotional needs.
Typo
needs a comma
comma is misplaced
subject and verb don't agree (men relies)
How can you expect someone else to read this when you didn't even bother to proofread it?
Based on the excerpt of your essay, there are several areas that could have contributed to receiving an F grade. Let's go through them one by one and identify the issues:
1. Lack of Clear Organizational Structure: Your essay lacks a clear structure with distinct paragraphs and transitions between ideas. The entire essay is written as one continuous block of text, which makes it difficult to follow and evaluate your arguments properly. It's important to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
2. Inadequate Development of Ideas: While you attempt to argue that women are better at handling relationships than men, the ideas presented are not well-developed or supported. You briefly mention that women have face-to-face friendships and men base their friendships on activities, but you don't provide sufficient evidence or examples to bolster your claims. Consider providing more detailed explanations and concrete evidence to support your arguments.
3. Lack of Relevant Citations: The claim you make in your essay, such as "according to the article," should be accompanied by clear citations or references. Without proper citations, it's difficult for the reader to evaluate the credibility of the information you present. Make sure to include in-text citations or a works cited page to support your claims and show that you've done research and used reliable sources.
4. Grammatical and Punctuation Errors: There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures throughout your essay. For example, "they know our assets and our flaws" should be "they know our strengths and weaknesses." Additionally, you need to pay attention to proper punctuation, capitalization, and sentence structure to ensure clarity and coherence.
To improve your essay and avoid these issues, I would suggest the following steps:
1. Revise your essay for clarity and coherence, ensuring that it has a clear introduction, body paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting evidence, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
2. Develop each point more fully by providing specific examples, supporting evidence, and logical reasoning to strengthen your arguments.
3. Utilize proper citation methods, such as APA or MLA, to credit the sources of your information and demonstrate that you have conducted research and consulted reputable sources.
4. Carefully proofread your essay to correct any grammatical, punctuation, or sentence structure errors. You may want to consider using a spell-checker or asking someone else to proofread it for you.
Remember that receiving feedback on your writing is an opportunity for growth. By addressing these issues and improving your essay, you will enhance your writing skills and achieve better grades in the future.