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I'm writing an essay and I'm wondering which sentence is better to be used in an essay.
My teacher said that the sentence, "Sitting on his bed, Lamar sadly thought about his grandfather's death." is better than the sentence, "Lamar, saddened by his noble and honored grandfather's death, flung himself mournfully on his bed, sobbing." But I don't understand why...

And now I have a question if I should use the sentence"Looking dejected, Juan slumped in the time-out chair by the class door" or "Juan sat on the chair by the door." on my essay. I guess the former one is better, right?

Please help out. Thank You.

  • English -


  • English -

    The problem with this sentence is the interruption between the subject and the verb of the main clause:
    "Lamar, saddened by his noble and honored grandfather's death, flung himself mournfully on his bed, sobbing."

    If you had put the underlined part at the beginning of the sentence and then the rest of the sentence without interruption (Lamar flung himself...), it would have been fine.

    See #8.

  • English -

    Which of these statements is true?

    Sensory details distract readers; therefore, writers should avoid using them.

    Sensory details show readers that the writer is a sensitive person.

    Sensory words make writing come alive because we understand the world through the five senses

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