English

posted by .

I'm writing an essay and I'm wondering which sentence is better to be used in an essay.
My teacher said that the sentence, "Sitting on his bed, Lamar sadly thought about his grandfather's death." is better than the sentence, "Lamar, saddened by his noble and honored grandfather's death, flung himself mournfully on his bed, sobbing." But I don't understand why...

And now I have a question if I should use the sentence"Looking dejected, Juan slumped in the time-out chair by the class door" or "Juan sat on the chair by the door." on my essay. I guess the former one is better, right?

Please help out. Thank You.

  • English -

    Right.

  • English -

    The problem with this sentence is the interruption between the subject and the verb of the main clause:
    "Lamar, saddened by his noble and honored grandfather's death, flung himself mournfully on his bed, sobbing."

    If you had put the underlined part at the beginning of the sentence and then the rest of the sentence without interruption (Lamar flung himself...), it would have been fine.

    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.htm
    See #8.

  • English -

    Which of these statements is true?


    a)
    Sensory details distract readers; therefore, writers should avoid using them.

    b)
    Sensory details show readers that the writer is a sensitive person.

    c)
    Sensory words make writing come alive because we understand the world through the five senses

Respond to this Question

First Name
School Subject
Your Answer

Similar Questions

  1. Essay writing

    1. What is the most IMPORTANT key to an effective essay?
  2. essay writing

    What is the most important key to an effective essay?
  3. To Ms. Sue

    Ms. Sue you know the English paragraph I was working on right, well I got some feedback on it from two of my friends and this is what they said. the 1st one said: Positive Things She liked my 2nd sentence, and she liked the way I used …
  4. english

    Writing an opposing view essay and am a little stuck on thesis statement. This is what I have so far.... Have you ever taken into consideration that with one action, whether it be a mistake or purposely done, you could be sentenced …
  5. writing

    Write one topic sentence for your Week Nine essay and explain the primary role of a topic sentence in an effective essay?
  6. English

    Hi I'm writing an essay about No-No Boy. Does the following sentence sound alright, if not how do I make it sound better. Two significant problems in this novel for him is overcoming self blame along with dealing with culturally assimilating …
  7. english

    which is a better metaphor. when tom came out of the shower, he was cleaner then a bar of soap or when sarah was reading her book, she was glued to it. if one of them is right, try to fix up the sentence because my teacher said that …
  8. language

    is this sentence making sense 'you meddling kids are never to trespass in my yard" im writing an essay and wondering if this sentence mak es sense
  9. English assignment

    I'm trying to introduce dishonesty around the world in my first sentence of this paragraph. Around the world, there are many cases of dishonesty being committed in the form of lying, cheating and stealing. Is this sentence correct?
  10. English

    In 25-50 words, describe what a thesis statement does. Once you have narrowed the topic of your essay, it is important to state your topic clearly in one sentence. Like the topic sentence in the paragraph, the thesis statement introduces …

More Similar Questions