English-Ms. Sue

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Ms. Sue here is the poem that I was working on yesterday. I added other things onto here; I am still working on my ending, but I need your help with one sentence.

The magic box
I will put in the box
Hugs and kisses from my family
The daylight brought from the sun and
My parent’s blessings

I will put in the box
The teardrop of my eye
The first smiles of my baby brothers
The classical music playing in my heart

I will put into the box
My cousin’s dimples
The cold breeze blowing in the air
And memories from the past

I will put in the box
the strongest force of love which I have gained and shared
the happiness brought out from the hearts and my mom’s lullaby sung to me as a baby

I will put in the box the passion, desire, and hope .............
the wonderful dreams experienced
the holy bible as a sign of god being with me and the honesty of the innocence

All your help wil be appreciated, thanks a lot:-)

  • English-Ms. Sue -

    This sentence is too long and awkward.

    "the happiness brought out from the hearts and my mom’s lullaby sung to me as a baby"

  • English-Ms. Sue -

    Is this better:

    I will put into the box
    Every heart’s compassion for affection and the my mom's lullaby

    Can you also help me with this sentence:

    I will put in the box the passion, desire, and hope .............

    And please tell me if everything else is okay. Thank you very much :-)

  • English-Ms. Sue -

    Those are both good (assuming you omit "the" in "and the my mom's").

  • English-Ms. Sue -

    Thank you, but is this sentence okay:

    I will put in the box the passion, desire, and hope .............

    I don't know how to end it.

    I was thinking of something like this, but I don't know if it makes sense:

    I will put in the box the mutual emotions of passion, desire, and hope?

  • English-Ms. Sue -

    I would just put "I will put in the box all passion, desire and hope."

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