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I have to do a descriptive paragraph and here are the directions:

I can write a descriptive paragraph on either a place I like or an imaginary place.-I picked imaginary

1. First sentence begins with an adjective
2.2nd sentence begins with an adjective
3.3rd sentence begins with an adjective
4...begins with a phrase
5...begins with the word WHEN
6...begins with the words, THE ONLY
7...begins with a word ending in ING

Here is an example: Towering trees surround the sides of my tree fort. Forest sounds sing me to sleep when I stay the night in my favourite place. Occasionally, when the moon is out, I hear the movement of animals in the brush. In a flash I'm awake and sitting up. When the noise ceases, I can sleep again. The only time I can't go back to sleep is when the coyotes laugh at me from the hills behind our property, Laughing coyotes can make any kid's mind play tricks.

Here is mine:

Large gates open as I step. Colourful birds appear and they hand me a gift. Sweetly, they follow and guard me from danger. In the count of three, I get powers to fly. When, I want to go home, the birds lead the way. The only thing I miss, when I come here is, my family. Thinking about them, I disappear from this world and come home.

Can you please improve this a bit. Some parts in here seem awkward. All your help will be appreciated, thanks

  • English -

    Third sentence: "sweetly" is an adverb, not an adjective.

    Everything else looks great!
    I love your imagination! :-)

  • English -

    I just realized that in the sample paragraph, the third sentence begins with an adverb. Perhap you miscopied the directions?

  • English -

    Thanks, and yes, I miscopied the 3rd direction. Is this a phrase: In the count of three. Could I change it to: to the count of three. Also, could I change "world" to here, what's another synonym for here?

  • English -

    Another, perhaps better phrase, would be "At the count of three."

    Instead of "world" or "here," how about garden or magical paradise?

  • English -

    Yeah, that sounds much better, thank you :-)

  • English -

    You're welcome.

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