posted by mysterychicken .
I have to write a persuasive essay on the topic of school uniforms. This is what I have written; Please tell me how I can fix it, and give me some feedback. Thanks
School Uniforms---Good or Bad?
“This sucks!” This phrase could be heard throughout the halls on the morning my school issued their uniform policy. Everyone now had to wear navy blue or khaki pants with a white or blue shirt.
While most kids disliked this policy, it really helped some. Throughout the year, the children that couldn’t afford designer clothes were made fun of constantly for their attire. Keeping up with the latest fashion trends was a must in our busy school and whoever didn’t was bullied terribly. Now that everyone would be wearing the same clothes, the students got a sense of equality.
Some say that a child in a school uniform is more likely to take school seriously. Putting on the school uniform signals he or she is going to school just like dad dresses up to go to work. Schools report that when students dress in "work clothes" rather than "play clothes" they take a more serious approach to their studies.
Schools report that school uniforms decrease fighting and violence that arise out of arguments over fashionable clothes. Children consistently tease those who do not have trendy clothes. Those who can't afford name brand clothes are often sensitive about their clothing. Schools struggling with gang problems report that school uniforms help ease tensions.
Many parents believe that students wearing school uniforms look nicer and that a school uniform policy ensures that children will come to school in appropriate clothing, avoiding overly revealing clothes.
Also, school uniforms are a bargain. They are becoming far less expensive than many other clothes. Schools argue that school uniforms are economical, especially because 90% of them are cheaper than clothes from the mall. They say school uniforms last longer because they are made for repeated wash and wear.
Lastly, Some feel wearing a school uniform helps build school spirit and it instills a feeling of belonging. As the Beach Boys said, “Be true to your school.” Schools with uniforms report an increase in school pride.
Even though most kids these days are against having a uniform in their school, it is actually better for them. Uniforms reduce fighting and violence in a school, they increase school spirit, they are always available in low prices, and they aren’t a distraction like other clothes. Personally, i think it is best for schools to have uniforms if they want to have better, more concentrated students.
Please re-post and let us know what the thesis statement and outline was from which you wrote this.
I think your essay was good,but in the first paragraph you said "Throughout the year, the children that couldn’t afford designer clothes were made fun of constantly for their attire. Keeping up with the latest fashion trends was a must in our busy school and whoever didn’t was bullied terribly. Now that everyone would be wearing the same clothes, the students got a sense of equality." and you ended the paragraph like that.and in the thrid paragraph you went back on the same thing......i just think your paragraph should be organise better but otherwise than that i think it is good!!!GOOD WORK
(PS)when you're writting your next essay be careful not to make the same mistake but your marking should be good(only a GOOD english teacher will notice that lol)