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english

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i had to write a paper on the following:
details that show the impact of the problem (effects) on jack ruth and the company
section 2
the steps needed to change the situation
reason to implement each step, including the benefits to your employees, your supervisor, and the company
information about your role in the change

This is what i have:

During the last past three weeks problems that were work-related brought about a particular scenario which involved Jessica Hilo who took a medical leave. This happening caused Ralph and Frank to take over her duties, which concluded in an unbalanced work flow. Frank bellyached about Ruth’s lack of excellence in her work flow, and her insistence on working overtime twice a month was costing the company additional money. Meanwhile Jack did not have enough work to do, and this resulted in his being chronically tardy at least two times a week. Although he worked with the essence of professional qualities, his lateness cast a dark light on his work profile.
Employees working together becomes a requirement for a good work ethic. I would like to offer some brainstorming suggestions that will result in a smooth running task oriented office. First, all work should be equally distributed among personnel. Instead of allowing Jessica’s work load to be completed by Ralph and Frank, let Jack, and Ralph, and the full time assistants temporarily take up the slack. When it is concluded that Jessica won’t be returning to work, we will hire someone to take her place. This will stop the stress that has been straining Ruth’s yield, and her work performance will greatly improve. Finally, Jack will not be required to do the extra work, and his presence will be noticed with no shadow of lateness.

  • English -

    1. Get rid of all passive verbs; make them active.
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/passive.htm

    2. Go through and straighten out your word choice. You have mixed some rather formal phrasing, some jargon, and some slang. You need to decide what you're writing: a formal paper or an informal paper. Then adjust your word choice (vocabulary) to fit.
    http://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1GGGE_enUS350US350&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=formal+informal+writing

    3. Make sure the point of view is consistent. I see only 3rd person POV in the first paragraph, and a mix of 1st singular, 1st plural, and 3rd plural in the second paragraph.
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/subject_object.htm

    Then follow the guidelines here:
    http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/10/28/editing-secrets-everyone-should-know/

    After you've done all that and rewritten your paper, re-post.

  • english -

    repost to above question, is my grammar ok and do the paragraph sound ok.

  • english -

    repost to above question, is my grammar ok and do the paragraph sound ok. sorry, i forgot to put corrects in.

    Here are the corrections:


    During the last past three weeks problems that were work-related brought about a particular scenario which involved Jessica Hilo who took a medical leave. This happening caused Ralph and Frank to take over her duties, which concluded in an unbalanced work flow. Frank bellyached about Ruth’s lack of excellence in her work flow, and her insistence on working overtime twice a month was costing the company additional money. Meanwhile Jack did not have enough work to do, and this resulted in his being chronically tardy at least two times a week. Although he worked with the essence of professional qualities, his lateness cast a dark light on his work profile.
    Employees working together becomes a requirement for a good work ethic. I would like to offer some brainstorming suggestions that will result in a smooth running task oriented office. First, all work should be equally distributed among personnel. Instead of allowing Jessica’s work load to be completed by Ralph and Frank, let Jack, and Ralph, and the full time assistants temporarily take up the slack. When it is concluded that Jessica won’t be returning to work, we will hire someone to take her place. This will stop the stress that has been straining Ruth’s yield, and her work performance will greatly improve. Finally, Jack will not be required to do the extra work, and his presence will be noticed with no shadow of lateness.

  • english -

    this is the repost to my english homework could u please tell me that it's ok?

    this what i got:

    For the past three months work-related problems have occurred, causing conflicts between co-workers. The ongoing problems require attention, so we can better assist our daily clients.
    The in-office situation came about a month after Jessica Hilo took a medical leave. During this time, Ralph and Frank were temporarily assigned her duties, resulting in an unequal balanced work flow. Frank has complained about Ruth’s poor quality in work, and I have noticed that she is working overtime at least twice a month, which costs the company additional money. On the other hand, Jack frequently has little work to do, but always completes his work professionally. Ralph has an assistant that works full-time, and Frank’s assistant only works fifteen hours a week.
    To be successful the company needs teamwork. I do not fee that the co-workers are performing daily office tasks as well as they can and would like to offer some suggestions. I feel we should equally balance the work flow. Instead of assigning Jessica’s work to Ralph and Frank, let Jack, Ralph and the full-time assistant temporarily take up the slack. When it is determined that Jessica isn’t coming back to work; hire someone to take her place.

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