English

posted by .

I want to improve the flow of this sentence. I would greatly appreciate any insight, minor or major. Here is the sentence, which is intended as a thesis:

L. Ron Hubbard, in founding Scientology, has created a dangerous contemporary cult that suppresses free speech, mistreats and manipulates members, takes part in criminal activities, and misleads churchgoers with a foundation of pseudo-science and science fiction.

  • English -

    The first sentence is fine. It has a long series in it, but the parts of the series are parallel, so it's fine.

    The only thing I'd suggest about changing the original is not to separate the main subject from its verb. Put "In founding Scientology" at the beginning of the sentence, not between the subject and the verb. ~~>In founding Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard has created a dangerous contemporary cult...

Respond to this Question

First Name
School Subject
Your Answer

Similar Questions

  1. sentence correction

    I don't see anything wrong with this sentence: It will be greatly appreciated if the bill is paid by check when possible. You're right; there's nothing wrong with this sentence. But you can make it much better by putting it in the …
  2. history/writing

    I am trying to write an essay: Compare and contrast the develpment of Massachusetts, Virginia, and Pennsylvvania. Explain the similarities and differences of the reasons for founding, who settled each colony, and the success of the …
  3. english

    in the sentence, " this all may smack of a publicity stunt". i would appreciate if you advise meaning of the sentence. thanks.
  4. Science

    Ms. Sue I understand, but what the professor requested was the following: NOTE: In the “Sample: Outline,” it states that the thesis statement is the last one to three sentences of the introduction. However, the thesis statement …
  5. english

    emicolons, Colons, Dashes and Parentheses: Recall Exercise 2. Identify the correct sentence. a) Here's what I'd suggest—major in business; and minor in Spanish . b) Here's what I'd suggest; (major in business and minor in Spanish). …
  6. English

    Use a cliche in a sentence that you create. the sentence that I created is. My sister and I are so much a like that most people say we are " two peas in a pod". Did I do the sentence correctly
  7. Writing

    In the novel, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, a major character, Jem's view on the world shifts drastically due to his experiences with his hometown Does this sentence sound awkward?
  8. English

    Which pf the following, would not always require a citation in a research paper?
  9. English

    Jay Z has multiple sides to him; he teaches us how to be a successful person, and show us what's important in life v.s. what's not. Is this a good thesis sentence, and also can you give me example of the first part of the sentence …
  10. Music

    Find the triad common only to the following keys: 1. A major, F# minor, A minor 2. Db major, Bb minor, Cb major, F minor, Ab major

More Similar Questions