english1A-need help with thesis

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This is my intro on Individual Opportunity, a myth or reality. But my professor says that my thesis in the last sentences needs "more argument."

Many people have dreams whether it is to buy their dream car, dream house, or go on their dream vacation. Here in the land of freedom and opportunities, there is one dream that everyone strives for; the American Dream. The American Dream can mean different things to many people. For some it can mean success or freedom, for others, it can mean having lots of money and luxurious things. In today’s society, almost every person hopes for this dream. But is it possible for each and every person to achieve this dream? Some people go to school, get a well-paying job, and are able to make it to the top while the fortunate ones get there on pure luck. Then there are others who have difficulties climbing the economic ladder and remain at the bottom discovering this dream is nothing more than a myth with endless trials and disappointments. While some are struggling to survive in this world today, Americans should appreciate what they have and realize the benefits this country has to offer them; that with hard work, determination, and a good education, anyone can succeed with the right attitude.

  • English1A-need help with thesis -

    You wrote: "While some are struggling to survive in this world today, Americans should appreciate what they have and realize the benefits this country has to offer them; that with hard work, determination, and a good education, anyone can succeed with the right attitude."

    That's very convoluted and needs to be more direct. Exactly what do you intend to prove by the end of your paper?

    Read these sites on writing good thesis statements to make yours better:

    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

    http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/pamphlets/thesis_statement.shtml

  • English1A-need help with thesis -

    More sites here:

    http://www.google.com/search?q=strong+thesis+statement&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rlz=1R1GGGL_en___US321&client=firefox-a

  • english1A-need help with thesis -

    is this better?

    Many people have dreams whether it is to buy their dream car, dream house, or go on their dream vacation. Here in the land of freedom and opportunities, there is one dream that everyone strives for; the American Dream. The American Dream can mean different things to many people. For some it can mean success or freedom, for others, it can mean having lots of money and luxurious things. In today’s society, almost every person hopes for this dream. But is it possible for each and every person to achieve this dream? Some people go to school, get a well-paying job, and are able to make it to the top while the fortunate ones get there on pure luck. Then there are others who have difficulties climbing the economic ladder and remain at the bottom discovering this dream is nothing more than a myth with endless trials and disappointments. As the rich is getting richer and the poor remains poor, people need to take advantage of opportunities and develop the strength and endurance it takes to reach their dreams; and realize that success does not define a person, but only a person can define success.

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