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Can you please proofread this for me. My teacher said that it was done correctly. Thank you.

Freedom, wealth, security, and beliefs all branch off from the main cause of war. The positive beliefs that have been expressed regarding war, tend to state that every individual is entitled to believing in what they want. Those beliefs that are held true then branch off to people believing that freedom is created during war. If war is the only way that an individual can achieve their freedom then it becomes accepted by society. War creates wealth which leads to happiness among individuals. That wealth is achieved by people being needed to help produce new security advancements that would help aid those during battle and encourage people to purchase them back home. War being fought creates happiness because of the different things that people benefit from. War the worlds solution to todays problems that continue to exist.

  • Proofread -

    Yes, it looks good. Please note a corrections:

    If war is the only way that individuals can achieve their freedom then it becomes accepted by society.

    War the is the world's solution to today's problems that continue to exist.

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