5th Grade Recognition

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We're having our 5th grade recognition soon and we had to write a poem for our program. Our thyme is 'Soaring to New Heights.' I have written a poem and I was hoping for some editing from you. Here is the poem:
We're tiny eggs lying inside our nest
where our parents keep us warm.
We soon hatch from those shells,
and chirp our first words.
While we're still young, they do things for us like getting us food and feeding us.
Now we are growing up and doing somethings for ourselves.
Today, we're learning how to fly up high.
At first we get a bit of a struggle, but after sometime we've finally reached the heights we've been longing.

  • 5th Grade Recognition -

    Oh, and 'for' in the fourth last sentence shuold be 'by.'

  • 5th Grade Recognition -

    We're tiny eggs lying inside our nest
    where our parents keep us warm.

    Try to keep the rest of the poem in the same meter or rhythm of your first two lines. The whole poem will sound much better.

    We're TI-ny EGGS ly-ing IN-SIDE our NEST
    where our PAR-ents KEEP us WARM.

    Say those lines aloud until you hear the same rhythm I do. Then duplicate that rhythm in the other lines.

  • 5th Grade Recognition -

    Were you given any instruction about the "type" of poem to write = blank verse, rhyming, etc.?

    The ideas are wonderful however, some lines are way longer than other and your poem does not rhyme. If you want it to rhyme, consider how many lines each section will have. Is the rhyme scheme aa, bb, even cc or abc, abc, etc.

    Here is only one of many sites on "How to Write a Poem:"
    http://www.ehow.com/how_2045041_write-poem.html

    Sra

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