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lit/intro and 1st paragraph

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so here it is [ again ]:

Daughter of Invention [underlined] by Julia Alvarez is a great example of how families struggle when they move to a totally new place. this family moves from the Dominican Republic to the United States Their family consists of the narrator, her sisters, her mother and her father. There are many techniques that make this story exciting. The vocabulary, structure, and details are a few of those techniques. Character development makes this story extremely interesting because you can notice when each character's thoughts and feelings are changing

In the beginning of the story the narrator's feelings toward American and Americans are very pessimistic. "We were having trouble at school"(1079) tells the narrator. Part of this was because she didn't have the support from her parents that she needed. She's under confident and very depressed, she doesn't even want to read her speech in front of everyone. "I still had a pronounced lit to my accent, and I did not like to speak in public, subjecting myself to my classmate's ridicule" (1081). This is what the narrator feels about all Americans. She writes her speech without the help of her parents. She says she read poetry by Walt Whitman to get herself inspired. His views on teachers is something she likes and agrees with. "He most honors my style who learns under it to destroy the teacher"(1082). She writes her speech according to Whitman's view on teachers. She wrote more than she was supposed to and she loved it and showed it to her mom. Her mom felt the same way, she was very proud of her daughter.

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    In the beginning of the story the narrator's feelings toward American<~~?? and Americans are very pessimistic. "We were having trouble at school"(1079) tells the narrator.<~~proper punctuation for dialogue?? Part of this was because she didn't have the support from her parents that she needed.What did she need from her parents? She's under confidentIs "under confident" a correct term? At the very least, it probably needs to be hyphenated. and very depressed,<~~run-on she doesn't even want to read her speech in front of everyone. "I still had a pronounced lit<~~what? to my accent, and I did not like to speak in public, subjecting myself to my classmate's<~~only one classmate? ridicule" (1081). ThisWhat is "this"? is what the narrator feels about all Americans. She writes her speech without the help of her parents. She says she read poetry by Walt Whitman to get<~~"get" is often slangy; can you think of better phrasing here? herself inspired. His views on teachers issubj-verb agreement> something she likes and agrees with. "He most honors my style who learns under it to destroy the teacher"(1082). She writes her speech according to Whitman's view on teachers. She wrote more than she was supposed to<~~comma needed; compound sentence and she loved it and showed it to her mom. Her mom felt the same way,<~~run-on she was very proud of her daughter.

    Make sure everything in this paragraph focuses on the narrator (the daughter?). Everything. That last sentence needs to be refocused.

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    i am going to rewrite right now and make changes as necessary. i will post it up AGAIN when i'm done..thanks for all your help and patience =]

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    PS -- Is this one section in Alvarez's novel How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents or is it a separate short story or what?

    If it's a book on its own, then you underline or italicize the title. If it's part of the book (say, a chapter) or a short story on its own, then you use quotation marks before and after the title.

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    it's a chapter from it...it's a short piece in my lit book titled Daughter of Invention

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    OK, then be sure to use quotation marks.

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    ok. i've rewritten my paragraph. i'm hoping it's finally good, so i can move on.:)
    In the beginning of the story the narrator's feelings toward America and Americans are very pessimistic. "We were having trouble at school" (1079), tells the narrator. Part of this is because she didn't have the support from her parents that she needed. Her parents never sat and talked with her about her problems, or help her with school. She lacks confident and is very depressed. She doesn't want to read her speech in front of everyone because she's scared they'll make fun of her accent. "I still had a pronounced lilt to my accent, and I did not like to speak in public, subjecting myself to my classmates' ridicule"(1081). These negative views are what the narrator feels about all Americans. She writes her speech without the help of her parents. She says she read poetry by Walt Whitman to find inspiration. His views on teachers are something she likes and agrees with. "He most honors my style who learns under it to destroy the teacher"(1082). She writes her speech according to Whitman's view on teachers. She wrote more than she was supposed to, and she loved it. She showed it to her mom who was very proud of her.

    i hope i didn't make any more mistakes

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    is it that bad??
    it's been so long and no one has replied!

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    Put (1079) after "narrator" and before the period.

    Delete the comma after "problems" in the next sentence

    "She lacks confidence..."

    "These negative views are what the narrator feels about all Americans."
    This sentence is confusing; you haven't stated how Americans were negative yet; you've only mentioned what she thought was negative about herself.

    You need to explain what "Whitman's view on teachers" is -- that's not spelled out here.

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    i think i'm just going to delete the part about "negative views are what ..." because i can't think of a better way of putting it.
    can you..?

    "Whitman's view on teachers" is that quote--one should learn to destroy the teacher

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    You need to be clear on what Whitman means here. Does he mean to literally destroy (kill) the teacher? Or what?

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    not kill but to not let them over power you i guess

  • lit/intro and 1st paragraph -

    Could it possibly mean that if a teacher is very good and you learn well, you could get to the point at which you don't need a teacher anymore??

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