English Improving writing

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please check this for me a have a bit of a delema thanks again for all of you help

There are on- going problems that need to be addressed at the DMD company. First there is uneven allocation of tasks. While Bonnie and Molly are working overtime at least twice a month, Jack and Rachel often have no work to do. This causes friction between the workers. There is always some kind of yelling going on between the workers. Second, Melanie and Jessica share an administrative assistant who does most of their work for them. Third, Larry's assistant can not get all her work done work done in the 15 hours that she works. Maybe you can talk to Larry assistant Molly and see if she is able to work longer hours so she would be able to help out Larry and Victor to whom she is also assigned to.
I do not think that the company is working as well as it can and would like to offer some suggestions.
Jack and Rachel could help Bonnie and Molly. Not only would this help the productivity of the office but it will be a more peaceful place to work. To be successful the company needs teamwork without team work we have nothing. Jessica and Melanie should do more of their own work, freeing up their administrative assistant to help others. If Larry's assistant is unable to work more than 15 hours, perhaps he should be replaced by someone who can do so there are 125 employees in the company. Some of the employee's in the other office could be trained to help our group out when we are extremely busy and they are not. A full time administrative assistant could help Samuel and Frank Daly who have no assistant. Additional suggestions that I have rejected after much thought include hiring from Tina's Temp Agency, which is only a quick fix, and cutting back on employees' paid vacation time, which might cause them to not work as hard.

I have spent over 30 years working with the public including the 10 years I have been working with this company. In all this time I have never seen a company operate so poorly. The uneven productivity has had a negative impact on the company. The company will start to lose their clients. If the problem isn’t fixed soon the company will continue to make a bad name for it. This company has been is business for 50 years and we have several clients that have been using this company for at least 15 years. The employees' morale is getting quite low. This may cause some employees to quit which would not help
The DMD’s finances are slowly sinking. This has been going on for over a month, which is way to long. If you hire extra help that would improve the stress level that all lot of the employee’s feel. If the employees did not feel stressed they would do better at their jobs which would increase company morale. Thank you for allowing the time to talk to you regarding these important issues. If we all work together I believe that DMD will be here for another 50 years

Ok I really messed up here is just a reminder of my complete lesson I would like thank you very much for all of your continued help :

General Instructions
Single –space your prewriting, but double space your drafts. After preparing a rough draft read the evaluation criteria and revise your work carefully, correcting any errors you find
The final product should be a well polished and must contain three paragraphs of 8 to 15 sentences each
Your office manager, Daisy Miller retired three months ago. You were promoted to office manager for DMD Company where you began as a clerk 10 years ago. The company has been in business for 50 years
and currently employs 125 people. You manage four employees: Jack Snyder, Rachel King, Bonnie Disselkoen, and Molly Smakoski. Your office provides secretarial support for the eight members of the executive team. You employees have been assigned to the members of the team as follows:
Jack is assigned to Ralph Cajun and Jessica Hilo
Rachel is assigned to Melanie Razor and David Thomson
Bonnie is assigned to Samuel Daily and Frank Daily
Molly is assigned to Larry Miller and Victor Potack
You’ve noticed that Jack and Rachel frequently have nothing to do, while Bonnie and Molly usually require overtime hours at least twice a month. You learn that Melanie Razor and Jessica Hilo share a full-time administrative assistant who completes most of their secretarial work. On the other hand, Samuel and Frank Daily have no administrative assistant and Larry Miller’s assistant works only 15 hours a week.

You decide it's time to write a short argument to convince your supervisor, Liz Jakowski, whom you don’t know well, to introduce changes that will improve productivity in your office.
Brain storm, use clustering or webbing, and freestyle to explore possible solutions to the uneven productivity in your office. First assume that the DMD Company is similar one as a medical office assistant. Make up facts and figures and analysis related to the following questions:

In what way am I uniquely qualified to persuade Liz to make the changes I recommend?
How does the uneven productivity impact my office?
Employee morale and the company’s finances?
How long has this situation been going on?
What are two or three solutions that might improve the efficiency of my office? What does each solution involve and how much work, time and money is required to introduce that change? How exactly does each change solve the problem? Which is the best solution at this time? Why?
How do I convince my supervisor that this change is cost effective and also convince my employees that it’s necessary and to their benefit?
Organize your prewriting according to the three paragraphs you must write Mark related information and choose what is most important for your audience don’t worry about complete sentences – just list, outline or map your information.

Paragraph1 problem definition mad impact on your office and the company.
Paragraph 2 One best solution you recommend and reasons for that specific change; contrast with the other possible solutions.
Paragraphs Benefits to your office, your supervisor, and the company
Draft your three paragraphs using complete sentences that logically flow from one to the next and that are focused and unified. Remember each paragraph must be 8 -15 sentences
Paragraph 1 Define and analyze the heart of the problem your solution targets,]... Provide facts figures and explanation and clarify the problem for your supervisor Describe how it affects efficiency and the company the reasons it is a problem to be concerned with your purpose is to persuade your supervisor that a problem exits
Paragraph 2 introduce changes that you recommend and explain the way to solve it solves the problem as defined in paragraph 1 Summarize other solutions you consider but discarded and explain why you have focused on this particular situation The purpose of this is to persuade your supervisor your choice is most effective and appropriate for the situation your company in solving the problem.
Paragraph 3 Describe the specific benefits your office, your supervisor and the company will reap from this solution. Your purpose is to convince your supervisor that the solution will transform your office from inefficient and unmotivated to well organized and productive

Evaluating Criteria

Your prewriting organized details’ by paragraph and drafts indicate creative yet realistic thinking thoughtful revision and attention to detail The second draft shows significant changes to the first incoherence and unity the third paragraph shows any further major changes as well a s careful editing

Each paragraph should have only one topic all other sentence should support the topic sentence
The Final product must contain three paragraphs of 8-15 sentences each

I never talked about Victor Potack who Molly is assigned to or David Thomson who Rachel is assigned
I need to turn in my prewriting (Brainstorming I guess) a rough draft a revised copy and a final copy. What are the difference between revised and the final?

  • English Improving writing -

    Think of the rough draft, revised copy, and final copy as the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd drafts of your paper. You can have more than that if you want, but according to your assignment, you cannot have fewer. Did you revise your 1st draft to make your 2nd draft? Then did you revise your 2nd draft to make your 3rd? I hope so. In your revision of the 2nd draft, you will be able to insert information about the people and assignments you left out up to that point.


  • English Improving writing -

    which of the following hotel rates is generally available to business travelers

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