Can someone please edit this for me? and tell me if i did the quoates right.(meaning I properly indented and made each ones new paragraphs at the right time.)
What would the novel “A Separate Peace” be life if Finny would have narrated it rather than Gene? Would the novel’s tone have been more cheerful, or satisfying, rather than regretful and melancholy? When I changed the point of view to Finny narrating the end of Chapter 4 rather than Gene, the tone was exciting rather than regretful. If Finny narrated the novel the story would have some changes. For example, Gene was really into the war, and in some parts of the novel he tabked about his feelings on the war. If Finny were to narrate it, there probably would have been rarely any mention of the war. Also, the readers wouldn’t have been directly told about how much Gene envied Finny. In some parts the readers wouldn’t have been directly told about how much Gene envied Finny. In some parts the readers wouldn’t have had a clear understanding of Gene’s actions in the story, like when Gene jounced the limb The part of the novel I changed the point of view to Finny was the end of Chapter 4 when Gene jounced the limb and Finny fell off.
Leper decided he wanted to qualify for the Super Suicide Society, so he announced his intention to make the leap. I went into Gene’s room to inform hom on the news, and to see if he wanted to tag along. When I told Gene about the jump, he seemed very unconfident that Leper would go thought with it.
I guess I was right because Gene said, “Leper Lepellier would go down paralyzed with panic on any sinking troopship before making such a jump.”
I urged Gene to come, but he seemed ticked off about something. Then Gene exclaimed as he slammed his French book closed, “Oh for heaven’s sake.”
What’s the matter?” I asked. Gene snarled, “I’m studying, I don’t want to ruin my grade just to go see Leper chicken out and not jump.”
So I said, “Don’t come, it’s fine with me,” Gene seemed surprised and said, “Never mind, forget my studying, I joined the Super Suicide Society, and I’m going.”
A thought ran through my head about Gene just as he said that, “Hey Gene, I’m just curious, do you always study for your tests?”
“Why do you ask, Finny?” “Well Gene, you know how athletics come natural to me, I thought school was the same for you.”
Gene stuttered and said, “Uh, well you know finny, you’re unique, as for me I work hard to stick out in academics. Gene seemed very surprised and shocked, and then said, “Finny, if I need to study, then so do you.”
That statement shocked me, I said, “Listen pal, I could study forever and never break a C. But it’s different for you; you’re good, just like me in my athletics.”
Gene changed the subject back to Leper. “ I doubt he’s going to jump, he was suppose to meet us here twenty minuets ago.”
Just as Gene said that, there was a knock at the door, it was Leper.
“I’m here,” Leperes said excitedly.
All three of us walked quietly to the tree. I’m not a big fan of silence so I decided to help Gene out a bit by quizzinf him on his French. I kind of wished I was a s brilliant as Gene, but then again I am unique in my own way. OLnce again there was silence, I had thoughts running through my head about Gene and the tree. So I said, “ Hey Gene, want to climb up the tree together and do a double jump?”
Gene seemed as if hew was thinking about it, then he said, “Sure, geart idea Finny!”
When we arrived at the tree Lepere was still behind observing the butterflies, so Gene asnd I decided to go ahead and warm-up the tree fro Leper to jump off. I started up the tree with Gene following right behinde me, I felt great indside! When IO reached the top I grabbed a branch for extra support, waiting for Gene to get up.
Once gene reacher the top I said,”come out a little way, and we can jump side by side.”
Gene excitedly said,”Great idea!”
As he was walking towards me, the limb shook. I tried to grab on to Gene but I couldn’t. I lost my balance and fell, hitting the ground below me with a sickening thud. I suddenly blacked out, and felt no p[ian at all. The next thing I rember was the voice of Dr. Standpole filling me in on my injuries. I couldn’t believe how clumsy I was on the limb. I never thouthgt that the best athlete in the school would be the one to make a clumsy physical action and fall.
With Finny narrating that part of the novel it made the readers think that Finny made a clumsy mistake and fell off. When gEne narrated that part, ther was a hingt athat Finny’s fall wasn’t a clumsy physical action; ita was intenetionaally caused by Gene. I’m glad that Gene was the narrator of the novel because if Finnny were to narrate a “ A Separate Peace” it wouljdn’t have been as interesting and enjoyable to read.
Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. There are some spelling problems here:
line one, life = like
line 7 = tabked = talked
"In some parts" seems repetitive, so can you think of another way to state that the second or third time?
Is the word really "jounced" the limb?
The last sentence needs reworking = Where I changed the point of view.....?
P.S. "quotes?" Sorry, but I didn't see any.
There should be a period after limb in the 6th line. The last sentece I didn't understand. In the third line fist sentece there should be a comma after the novel.
Sure! I can help you with that. Here's your edited passage with the quotes properly formatted and the paragraphs indented:
"What would the novel 'A Separate Peace' be like if Finny would have narrated it rather than Gene? Would the novel’s tone have been more cheerful or satisfying, rather than regretful and melancholy? When I changed the point of view to Finny narrating the end of Chapter 4 rather than Gene, the tone was exciting rather than regretful. If Finny narrated the novel, the story would have some changes. For example, Gene was really into the war, and in some parts of the novel, he talked about his feelings on the war. If Finny were to narrate it, there probably would have been rarely any mention of the war. Also, the readers wouldn't have been directly told about how much Gene envied Finny. In some parts, the readers wouldn't have had a clear understanding of Gene’s actions in the story, like when Gene jounced the limb.
The part of the novel I changed the point of view to Finny was the end of Chapter 4 when Gene jounced the limb and Finny fell off.
Leper decided he wanted to qualify for the Super Suicide Society, so he announced his intention to make the leap. I went into Gene’s room to inform him of the news and to see if he wanted to tag along. When I told Gene about the jump, he seemed very unconfident that Leper would go through with it.
I guess I was right because Gene said, 'Leper Lepellier would go down paralyzed with panic on any sinking troopship before making such a jump.'
I urged Gene to come, but he seemed ticked off about something. Then Gene exclaimed as he slammed his French book closed, 'Oh for heaven’s sake.'
'What’s the matter?' I asked. Gene snarled, 'I’m studying, I don’t want to ruin my grade just to go see Leper chicken out and not jump.'
So I said, 'Don’t come, it’s fine with me.' Gene seemed surprised and said, 'Never mind, forget my studying, I joined the Super Suicide Society, and I’m going.'
A thought ran through my head about Gene just as he said that, 'Hey Gene, I’m just curious, do you always study for your tests?'
'Why do you ask, Finny?' 'Well, Gene, you know how athletics come natural to me, I thought school was the same for you.'
Gene stuttered and said, 'Uh, well, you know, Finny, you’re unique. As for me, I work hard to stick out in academics.'
Gene seemed very surprised and shocked, and then said, 'Finny, if I need to study, then so do you.'
That statement shocked me. I said, 'Listen pal, I could study forever and never break a C. But it’s different for you; you’re good, just like me in my athletics.'
Gene changed the subject back to Leper. 'I doubt he’s going to jump, he was supposed to meet us here twenty minutes ago.'
Just as Gene said that, there was a knock at the door; it was Leper.
'I’m here,' Leper said excitedly.
All three of us walked quietly to the tree. I’m not a big fan of silence, so I decided to help Gene out a bit by quizzing him on his French. I kind of wished I was as brilliant as Gene, but then again, I am unique in my own way. Once again, there was silence. I had thoughts running through my head about Gene and the tree. So I said, 'Hey Gene, want to climb up the tree together and do a double jump?'
Gene seemed as if he was thinking about it, then he said, 'Sure, great idea, Finny!'
When we arrived at the tree, Leper was still behind, observing the butterflies, so Gene and I decided to go ahead and warm up the tree for Leper to jump off. I started up the tree with Gene following right behind me. I felt great inside! When I reached the top, I grabbed a branch for extra support, waiting for Gene to get up.
Once Gene reached the top, I said, 'Come out a little way, and we can jump side by side.'
Gene excitedly said, 'Great idea!'
As he was walking towards me, the limb shook. I tried to grab onto Gene, but I couldn’t. I lost my balance and fell, hitting the ground below me with a sickening thud. I suddenly blacked out and felt no pain at all. The next thing I remember was the voice of Dr. Standpole filling me in on my injuries. I couldn’t believe how clumsy I was on the limb. I never thought that the best athlete in the school would be the one to make a clumsy physical action and fall.
With Finny narrating that part of the novel, it made the readers think that Finny made a clumsy mistake and fell off. When Gene narrated that part, there was a hint that Finny’s fall wasn't a clumsy physical action; it was intentionally caused by Gene. I’m glad that Gene was the narrator of the novel because if Finny were to narrate 'A Separate Peace', it wouldn’t have been as interesting and enjoyable to read."