English-here's my essay

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I lay there with music pouring into my ears. My head is tired from a long morning of Christmas shopping because it is the day after Thanksgiving. I switch form Linkin Park to Journey, from Savage Garden to Josh Groban, moving on constantly because I can’t make a decision. Giving myself a headache, I decide to turn it off, and let myself drift to sleep on the droning buzz of the radiator. A day full of choices: Snowman cards or penguin cards? The lotion or salt scrub? Do I have enough for both? Paper or plastic?
I can’t say I never had any regrets. I wish I could say that I accepted every decision I ever made, and that I learned form them. But it makes me uneasy thinking about my past regrets. Like the decision to wear the first expensive gift my mom had given me. It was a beautiful thin gold ring with a tiny crystal centered in a tiny flower. It was elegant, and a great happy 13th birthday present. I wore it to school one day, excited to be wearing something so pretty. I realized after gym class, however, that it wasn’t where I had put it. I had been so careful to put the ring in my purse in the small gym locker, where I wouldn’t lose it. When I returned to the stuffy locker room, I couldn’t find my ring. I panicked and searched everywhere. I searched all over the dirty floor, and every corner of the locker, hoping it would magically appear. I went to the lost and found the next morning, hoping it was a kind person who took my ring, but the nurse said that they rarely got expensive jewelry. I never told my mom about the loss of the ring. I still have the box it came in, lodged behind a picture of my brother on my bookshelf. I was upset because my mom had been so happy when she gave me the ring, and I didn’t want to upset her. I felt so awful about how irresponsible I was, and how I lied when I told my mom I never wore the ring because I was afraid that something would happen to it. That must have been the beginning of when I became set in my indecisive ways.
From then on I stressed myself out over every decision. I never cease to think about the consequences of my actions. Even going out to eat is problematic. Going out to eat at a buffet is great. A little bit of everything and if it doesn’t work out, its alright, because there is a second chance to get it right.
I have some big decisions coming my way. Which college will I spend the next 4 years of my life? When should I get married, that is, if I find Mr.Right? What about kids, career paths, churches and schools, houses, brands of pastas and toilet paper? Thinking about it is a wake up call. Even though I am not the average sun-tanned teenager, I feel like I will age myself from the continual stress I put on myself each day. The stress of making the right decisions while trying to do better each day, dealing with heavy work loads, and trying to find a balance between school and karate. I need to make mistakes and not only learn from them, but accept them. That is the only way I will be able to enjoy everything I have.
I decide on "My Confession" by Josh Groban, and let myself enjoy the whole song. It’s a start.


I lay there with music pouring into my ears. My head is tired from a long morning of Christmas shopping because it is the day after Thanksgiving<~~need to add a bit more to make it clear why “the day after Thanksgiving” should give you a headache. I switch form <~~from Linkin Park to Journey, from Savage Garden to Josh Groban, moving on constantly because I can’t make a decision. Giving myself a headache, I decide to turn it off, and let myself drift to sleep on the droning buzz of the radiator. A day full of choices: Snowman cards or penguin cards? The lotion or salt scrub? Do I have enough for both? Paper or plastic?

I can’t say I never had any regrets(regrets about what?. I wish I could say that I accepted every decision I ever made, and that I learned form them. But it<~~vague “it” – better to rephrase: Thinking about my past regrets, though, makes me uneasy. makes me uneasy thinking about my past regrets. Like the decision to wear the first expensive gift my mom had given me.<~~sentence fragment; better to figure out a way to attach it to the sentence before or after. It was a beautiful thin gold ring with a tiny crystal centered in a tiny flower. It was elegant,<~~delete comma and a great happy 13th<~~spell out birthday present. I wore it to school one day, excited to be wearing something so pretty. I realized after gym class, however, that it wasn’t where I had put it. I had been so careful to put the ring in my purse in the small gym locker, where I wouldn’t lose it, but when I returned to the stuffy locker room, I couldn’t find my ring. I panicked and searched everywhere. I searched all over the dirty floor,<~~delete comma and every corner of the locker, hoping it would magically appear. I went to the lost and found the next morning, hoping it was a kind person who took my ring, but the nurse said that they rarely got expensive jewelry. I never told my mom about the loss of the ring. I still have the box it came in, lodged behind a picture of my brother on my bookshelf. I was upset because my mom had been so happy when she gave me the ring, and I didn’t want to upset her. I felt so awful about how irresponsible I was, and how I lied when I told my mom I never wore the ring because I was afraid that something would happen to it. That must have been the beginning of when I became set in my indecisive ways.

From then on<~~add comma I have stressed myself out over every decision. I never cease to think about the consequences of my actions. Even going out to eat is problematic. Going out to eat at a buffet is great. A little bit of everything<~~delete comma and if it doesn’t work out, its<~~?? alright<~~??,<~~delete comma because there is a second chance to get it right.

I have some big decisions coming my way. In which college will I spend the next 4<~~spell out years of my life? When should I get married, that is, if I find Mr. <~~insert space Right? What about children, career paths, churches and schools, houses, brands of pastas and toilet paper? Thinking about it<~~what is “it”? is a wake up call. Even though I am not the average sun-tanned teenager, I feel as if I will age myself from the continual stress I put on myself each day. The stress of making the right decisions while trying to do better each day, dealing with heavy work loads, and trying to find a balance between school and karate. <~~sentence fragment; fix it or attach it I need to make mistakes and not only learn from them, but accept them. That is the only way I will be able to enjoy everything I have.

I decide on "My Confession" by Josh Groban, <~~delete comma and let myself enjoy the whole song. It’s a start.

I know there are sentence fragments in the first paragraph, but they seem to be there for "style." The fragments in the rest of the essay, however, need to be fixed.

Very nice, overall.
=)

thank you!

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