Hello, can someone tell me how this sounds so far? ( not done with essay ) I need someone to tell me how it sounds and if I need to add/get rid of something. Thank you.
( ESSAY QUESTION-global affairs* How has immigration affected the international diversity found in the selected state Mississippi?)
The Global affairs of Mississippi have played numerous roles in the state's international, political and economic affairs tremendously. A good example is how Mississippi has homed a growing number of immigrants. Immigrants are foreign-born residents that live in a country other than his or her birthplace. In Mississippi a high number of immigrants are from Mexico, Usually, the reason to move is to get away from violence, terrorism, gang violence, unsafe living conditions, or extreme poverty. More than 82% come from Mexico and 78% come from the Caribbean. Because of so many people coming to Mississippi for a better life, Immigrants have become a key point in Mississippi. And are a crucial part of the state and its labor force, especially in certain districts. For example, 7 percent of employees in Mississippi’s, physical, and social science residents are immigrants. As business owners, taxpayers, and employees, immigrants are a fundamental part of Mississippi’s diverse and flourishing communities and make extensive contributions that benefit all. Without immigrants, Mississippis' workforce would definitely plummet by more than 39 percent. In Mississippi, Industries such as food preparation, manufacturing, healthcare, social assistance, construction, and education are all the most populated and popular jobs for most immigrants. Giving good pay and insurance. In conclusion, Immigration has affected international diversity in Mississippi in more than a positive way, giving jobs, housing, and food.
I agree with what anonymous has written.
In addition,I would note that some sentences are awkard and/or don't make much sense. As an example, the last sentence. Here it is.
" Immigration has affected international diversity in Mississippi in more than a positive way, giving jobs, housing, and food"
My question is how can it be more than positive? It is either positive or it is not positive. I would rewrite that this way.
Immigration has affected international diversity in Mississippi in many positive way, giving jobs, housing, and food.
Look through your essay. There are several sentences like that which I think are awkward and could be improved by re-wording.
Thank you!
#1 - Separate connected thoughts into paragraphs and make sure each paragraph is completely developed.
#2 - Make sure all sentences are complete sentences — no fragments, no runons.
grammarly(dot)com might be of help.
Overall, your essay seems to be an informative and well-structured response to the question on how immigration has affected international diversity in Mississippi. However, there are a few areas where you might consider making some improvements:
1. Provide more specific data: While you mention that a high percentage of immigrants in Mississippi come from Mexico and the Caribbean, it would be helpful to support this with specific numbers or statistics. This will make your essay more credible and give readers a better understanding of the extent of immigration in the state.
2. Consider adding more context: It would be beneficial to provide some background information about the history of immigration in Mississippi. This could include details about any significant waves of immigration, government policies related to immigration, or the overall demographic makeup of the state.
3. Explain the impact of immigration in more detail: While you mention that immigrants are a crucial part of the state and its labor force, you could further elaborate on the specific ways in which they contribute. For example, you could discuss how immigrants have enriched the cultural diversity of Mississippi, brought new skills and expertise, or revitalized certain industries.
4. Address potential counterarguments: To make your argument stronger, you could address potential counterarguments or opposing viewpoints. For instance, some people might argue that immigration leads to job competition or strains public resources. By acknowledging these concerns and providing counterpoints, you can demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
5. Proofread for clarity and grammar: While the content of your essay is good, there are a few minor grammar and punctuation errors that could be corrected. Make sure to proofread your essay before finalizing it.
Overall, these suggestions can help you further enhance your essay and provide a more comprehensive and persuasive argument. Good luck with your writing!