Thursday
April 24, 2014

Homework Help: Short Story (suspense)

Posted by Larry on Monday, January 19, 2009 at 1:08am.

Feeling more secure, you start off in the direction of home. Past the park and the corner shop. You’re getting closer to home now. It’s still a long way, about 15 minutes to go. And then you hear it…Tap, Tap, Tap………

She shrieked as a hand came down heavily on her shoulder.

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Here's the last paragraph to my short story. Can someone please help me edit the last; 'She shrieked as a hand....'

Original:
She shrieked as a hand came down heavily on her shoulder.

Edit #1
She shrieks as a hand comes down heavily on her shoulder.

Edit #2
You shriek as a hand comes down heavily on your shoulder.

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Which edit is better?

Thank you for your time.

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