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Short Story (suspense)

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Feeling more secure, you start off in the direction of home. Past the park and the corner shop. You’re getting closer to home now. It’s still a long way, about 15 minutes to go. And then you hear it…Tap, Tap, Tap………

She shrieked as a hand came down heavily on her shoulder.

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Here's the last paragraph to my short story. Can someone please help me edit the last; 'She shrieked as a hand....'

Original:
She shrieked as a hand came down heavily on her shoulder.

Edit #1
She shrieks as a hand comes down heavily on her shoulder.

Edit #2
You shriek as a hand comes down heavily on your shoulder.

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Which edit is better?

Thank you for your time.

  • Short Story (suspense) - ,

    Edit #2

  • Short Story (suspense) - ,

    First of all, who shrieks? Then, are you telling the story in the present tense or the past? Those 2 things should tell you which is best.

    Sra

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