Shalonda wrote a story for a teen literary magazine. She revised a paragraph but kept a copy of the original. Read both versions and then answer the question.
Original:
Tina scanned the crowd at the mall. Pairs and groups of people streamed by her: teenagers laughing and yelling, parents with young children in strollers, elderly couples holding hands. But she didn’t see anyone who was alone and looking for her.
Revision:
As Tina scanned the crowd at the mall, she knew she’d remember this day forever. Whether the memory was good or bad depended on what happened in the next few minutes. People streamed by her: groups of teenagers laughing and yelling, parents with young children in strollers, elderly couples holding hands. “Everyone is with someone else,” she thought. “No one is looking for me. The story of my life.”
Compare the original version and the revision. What does Shalonda’s revision accomplish?
A.
The added reflection in the first two sentences establishes that this is a potentially life-changing day for Tina. The short sentences at the end contain reflection that conveys Tina’s feelings of loneliness. These sentences also create a faster, more abrupt pace that reveals Tina might be bitter about her situation.
B.
The added reflection in the first two sentences establishes that this is a memorable day for Tina. The longer sentences establish a slower, more leisurely pace that is in keeping with Tina’s detailed observations. The flashback in the last sentence shifts the time and emphasizes Tina’s skill as a storyteller.
C.
Lengthening the opening sentences creates a slower, more leisurely pace that is in keeping with Tina’s sentimental nature. The reflection contained in these sentences conveys that Tina enjoys observing strangers. The two shorter sentences at the end create a faster, more abrupt pace that reveals Tina’s ability to switch from sentimental to bitter.
D.
Lengthening the opening sentences creates a slower pace that mirrors Tina’s anguish at the end. The reflection contained in these sentences conveys that Tina has been looking forward to this day. The summary in the last sentence places less importance on what has happened so far in Tina’s life and more importance on what is currently happening.
The correct answer is A. The added reflection in the first two sentences establishes that this is a potentially life-changing day for Tina. The short sentences at the end contain reflection that conveys Tina’s feelings of loneliness. These sentences also create a faster, more abrupt pace that reveals Tina might be bitter about her situation.
The correct answer is A. The added reflection in the first two sentences establishes that this is a potentially life-changing day for Tina. The short sentences at the end contain reflection that conveys Tina’s feelings of loneliness. These sentences also create a faster, more abrupt pace that reveals Tina might be bitter about her situation.
To compare the original version and the revision, we can analyze the changes made by Shalonda in the revised paragraph.
In the revised version, Shalonda added reflection in the first two sentences, which establishes that this is a potentially life-changing day for Tina. This addition gives us insight into Tina's mindset and creates anticipation for what might happen next.
Also, the longer sentences in the revision establish a slower, more leisurely pace that is in keeping with Tina's detailed observations. This allows the reader to immerse themselves in the scene and experience the atmosphere at the mall.
Furthermore, the short sentences towards the end of the revised paragraph contain reflection that conveys Tina's feelings of loneliness. These sentences also create a faster, more abrupt pace, which suggests that Tina might be bitter about her situation.
In summary, Shalonda's revision accomplishes the following:
- Adds reflection to establish that this day is potentially life-changing for Tina
- Establishes a slower, more leisurely pace that matches Tina's detailed observations
- Conveys Tina's feelings of loneliness through short, reflective sentences
- Creates a faster, more abrupt pace to reveal Tina's bitterness
Based on these changes, the most accurate answer is A. The added reflection in the first two sentences establishes that this is a potentially life-changing day for Tina. The short sentences at the end contain reflection that conveys Tina's feelings of loneliness. These sentences also create a faster, more abrupt pace that reveals Tina might be bitter about her situation.