rewrite this story
It was 1509, the day she met Elijah. His brother was compelling townees to be on the lookout for their Father. And Elijah was exploring the large town when he bumped into a pale Blonde woman with reddish cheeks. He was starstruck by her beauty. "Oh my! I'm so pardon me should've been looking where I was going I-I am so sorry." said the trembling girl Blonde. He just looked at her favoring her soft but sharp voice she looked at his face to see if he would yell at her. It was common for men to get angry fast. He chuckled a little bit " It's okay, miss..." "Alice," said the Young woman. "Right, Miss Alice" He smiled at her making her blush. Alice was one catch-feeling most men's tiniest things would make her fall for them even more. " I'll see you around... oh, I didn't quite get your name." after a pause, "Elijah," he said. " Goodbye, Elijah." she started to walk away but Elijah had other plans. " Are you married?" he asked curiously " I'm not married. " she answered as she blushed. "in that case, I would like to invite you to my family's ball, it is at 10 pm sharp." she blushed harder and said, " If I'm free I will come." They smiled at each other and parted ways.
When Alice arrived at the ball, Elijah noticed her when she walked in. He goes up to her and kisses her on the hand. " Welcome, Alice." " Well, thank you for having me." said the Blonde. Before another word was spoken a Tall, Handsome man walks into the ballroom everybody focuses on him even Alice. Elijah let out a low and small sigh. The man walked up to Elijah " This is my brother Niklaus." she smiled and Blushed as he kissed her hand, but the moment was, cut short as someone across the room made a hand gesture for Klaus to come over to where they were as if they had something to tell Klaus urgently. " Excuse me," Klaus said as he walked past them both. She looked back as he walked away. Elijah felt out of place and second best to Klaus after witnessing this. Alice noticed his facial expression and felt wrong. "Your brother seems nice," said Alice hoping to change the vibe. " Yes, he's always had his ways with the ladies," said Elijah putting on a fake smile. "You're nice too," said Alice as she smiled at him he smiled back and said, "There is more here I would like to show you if you like to come me upstairs." She followed him upstairs to his and his family's house.
After giving her what felt like a house tour, they stop by Elijah's bedroom " This my room." Alice and Elijah step into the room, where Alice sees an Amazing view through the window in the room. "Wow, what a nice view!" she says as she starts smiling. He smiles back at her and looks at each other for a while until she expresses. "You know you are the nicest I've ever met, there's is something different about you... like your mysterious." "I could say the same about you when I first saw you." They both look at each other and step closer, Elijah touches a strand of her Blond, curly hair, and they look at each other for a minute they both come closer enough to lock lips and share a long fiery kiss. Elijah wraps his hands around her hips, pulling apart slowly with his hands still around her hips. They look at each other then they kiss again. Out of nowhere, they hear a loud bang! Elijah removes his arms around her waist another smash, which makes the whole house shake they started to hear screaming. Alice was about to go up the window to see what was, going on before she could get close, a wooden chair comes flying towards the window making it break the waves of glass started bolting a peace hits Alice on her rosy cheek cutting it, a much bigger shard hits her stomach.
How can this story be rewritten?
In 1509, Elijah met a beautiful blonde woman named Alice in a large town. Elijah invited Alice to his family's ball, and she agreed to come if she was free. When she arrived at the ball, Elijah welcomed her, but his brother Klaus soon entered the room and commanded everyone's attention, including Alice's. Elijah felt second-best when Klaus left him to talk to someone else, and Alice noticed his change in demeanor. After some small talk, Elijah invited Alice to his room to show her a view outside the window. They shared a passionate kiss until a loud noise and chaos interrupted their moment. A chair smashed through the window, injuring Alice.