What do you call a grass-fed cow?
A lawn moo-er!
What happens when you talk to a cow?
It goes in one ear and out the udder!
After the cow jumped over the moon, the other cows said "That's udderly ridiculous!" and refused to jump. They were grounded beef.
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime.
Nothing is ever black and white… unless you’re a cow, in which case, you’re both.
What did the cow say to her misbehaving calf?
I am not amoosed by you.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?
It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
The secret service surrounded the president with dozens of cows—they were trying to beef up security.
Why are cows always broke?
Someone’s always milking them dry.
I’m looking now but I can’t see the cows at the moment, they must be camooflaged.
Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calf-eteria.
What do you call a cow that talks to himself?
A solilocow.
Wanted to make a cow joke but you've probably herd 'em all.
Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?
Because the steaks were high.
What subjects are a cow's favourite?
Moosic, psycowlogy and cowculus.
What’s a cow’s favourite holiday?
Moo Year’s Eve!
Why did the cow win an award?
She was out standing in her field.
What’s a cow’s favourite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
What’s it called when a cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
How does a cow get to the moooon?
It flies through udder space!
What do you get when you cross a cow and duck?
Milk and quackers.
What do you call a cow who can play an instrument?
A moo-sician!
Why did the cow start a fight with his friend?
There was real beef between them.
What's a cow's favorite type of movie?
A moo-vie!
Do you know how cows stay up-to-date on current events?
They read the moos-paper.
What's a cow's favorite drink?
A dairy-quiri.
What did the cow comedian say to the audience?
“Are you ready to laugh till the cows come home?”
What do cows say when they're on vacation?
“Time for some R&R—rest and rumination!”
Why did the cow become an astronaut?
To see if the Moon was really made of cheese.
What do you call a cow that refuses to work?
A non-moo-ver.
How do cows stay in shape?
They do calf-squats and moo-scle training.
Why do cows make terrible detectives?
They always milk the evidence for more than it's worth.
What did the baby cow say to the other baby cow at the playground?
"Want to go on the seesaw?"
How does a bull tell a cow he loves her?
He sends her a mi-love letter.
Do you know what cows like to read the most?
Cattle-logs.