Paragraph 1 Background You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study
Paragraph 1
Background
You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study. The Human Resources Department arranges an
interview and tells you to bring with you a polished piece of writing for them to evaluate your writing
skills. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided
you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully
about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why. In addition, you want
to convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience. Take time to
think about what your audience wants to know and strive to reach a balance between informal and
formal business writing.
I am just looking for some guidance to see if I am putting my paragraph together correctly. I have included my paragraph below.
In response to the advertisement in the Hugo Daily News newspaper, I understand that you are seeking a Family Services Specialist. I have all of the qualifications that you have described in the job description that was advertised. One particular required qualification is the ability to show compassion towards families that are in need of assistance in the community. I have seen first hand how someone in the position of helping others can make the greatest difference in a person’s life. A woman with three children was desperate to try to find a place for her and her children to live when she first moved into the community. The Family Services director of Hugo Public Service sat down with the woman, went over several options with her and told her everything would be alright. The woman broke down in sobs of gratitude. I knew then that I wanted to help improve the lives of people in my community and I feel that with me on your team I can make a difference, one family at a time.
Your paragraph seems to be on the right track and addresses the requirements of the assignment. It effectively describes the experience that inspired or guided you to choose the position of Family Services Specialist. However, here are a few suggestions to further improve and polish the paragraph:
1. Start with a strong and engaging opening sentence that grabs the reader's attention. For example, instead of stating you understand they are seeking a Family Services Specialist, you can say, "I was immediately drawn to the advertisement for a Family Services Specialist in the Hugo Daily News newspaper."
2. After mentioning that you have all the required qualifications, you can briefly highlight a couple of your relevant skills or experiences to emphasize your suitability for the position. This will help showcase your expertise and set you apart from other candidates.
3. Instead of saying "One particular required qualification is the ability to show compassion towards families," you could rephrase it to showcase your own empathy and compassion. For example, "Having deep empathy and compassion for families in need has always been the driving force behind my career aspirations."
4. When describing the experience that inspired you, be specific in highlighting the impact it had on you and connect it to your career choice. You briefly mention the woman with three children, but try to focus more on the emotions and personal growth you experienced from witnessing this situation. Clearly explain how this experience motivated you to pursue a career as a Family Services Specialist.
5. State your enthusiasm for the position and your eagerness to make a difference. You can rephrase the statement "I feel that with me on your team I can make a difference, one family at a time" to make it more assertive and confident. For example, "I am committed to making a positive impact on my community by helping families in need, and I strongly believe that by working together, we can bring about lasting change."
By implementing these suggestions, your paragraph will become more compelling, engaging, and better fulfill the purpose of demonstrating your motivation and enthusiasm for the position. Remember to proofread and check for any grammatical or spelling errors before submitting the final version. Good luck with your application!