posted by Amantha on .
Could you proof read my informal essay?
Title: Who Needs Alcoholics Anonymous?
Sorry for not writing earlier, but I’ve been very busy preparing for my class and taking care of my family. I use to think that drinking beer was cool, but I soon realized that I hated beer. I hate how it smells, how it looks, and how it tastes. Yuck! Why do most people say that beer is an acquired taste? I don’t know why because it tastes awful. Let me take you down memory lane so you can see why I feel this way.
Do you remember when I was 10 years old and my grandmother owned a café? There was a lot of drinking in this place. Everybody had a beer, including my mother. I can remember asking my mother if I could have a beer and she kept telling me,” No.” So during one hot summer day, we were at my grandmother’s café and again everybody was dancing, drinking, and having a good time. I asked my mother for a beer. She told me, “No,” but on that particular day her boyfriend was sitting at the table with us and he told my mother to go ahead and give me one. He said, “She’s not going to drink it anyway.” I had a surprise for him. I put down the entire can of Miller Lite beer. I thought I did something until my head started spinning, my stomach started feeling woozy, and I couldn’t keep my balance when I tried to walk. I guess you could say I was drunk. I was drunk as Cooter Brown and all I could do was to lie down and sleep for the rest of the day.
What about when I was about 18 years old? I was visiting my brother in Biloxi, Mississippi during summer vacation. He took me to a Frankie Beverly and Maze concert on the Air Force base. I can remember like it was yesterday. The sun was beaming down on me like a piece of bread in a toaster oven. I was so thirsty and the only beverage being sold in the area “you guessed it,” beer. So I had no other way of quenching my thirst but to drink the beer. Let me remind you again it was a hot summer day. I started feeling the same way I felt when I was in my grandmother’s café. You guessed it, but this time I regurgitated everything I ate that day, plus what I ate yesterday. That was the worst day ever because I missed the rest of the concert. Do you see why I hate beer?
That’s all for now, I must get ready for class tomorrow. My teacher wants me to write an informal essay and I don’t know how to start. I’m glad it’s beer that I don’t like because my teacher would be upset if I didn’t like writing. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
I used to think
comma after Mississippi
as if it were yesterday
"The sun was beaming down on me like a piece of bread in a toaster oven." <~~Comparison is off; it's as if you're comparing the sun to the piece of bread!!
Why the quotation marks around you guessed it?
Also, you have "you guessed it" twice in here. Delete it both times!!
Otherwise, this is fine.