Posted by Ruby on Saturday, February 13, 2010 at 12:58pm.
Capital R and S in Dittmer's title
No period after MA
two-hour (not 2-hour)
twenty (not 20) in two places
Comma after 2010 in text
Wordy: "...topic to be discussed will be on sexual harassment ..."
Better: "topic is sexual harassment..."
Lower-case "a" in mid-sentence
Question mark at end of last sentence in second paragraph
Capital A on both words in Jane Doe's title
Revised: And thanks for your help.
Broadworth General Hospital
123 Main St.
Boston, MA 41467
February 13, 2010
Jeremy Dittmer, Employee Relations Specialist
Wydade Consulting Services
456 Apple Way
Anytown, MA 12345
Dear Mr. Dittmer,
I am writing to you today to request a trainer to teach an upcoming seminar. But first, I would like to thank you for Wydade’s reliable support in offering all of Broadworth’s training needs for the past twenty years.
The two-hour seminar is to be held in conference room B on June 30, 2010 at 8:30 am. The topic is sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace. There will be 20 office supervisors attending. And light refreshments will be provided for breaks. Also, at your convenience, could you send me a list of resources that the trainer will need?
Please do not hesitate to contact me at 270-843-xxxx if you have any questions.
June 30, 2010 at 8:30 am ~~> ???
There will be 20 office supervisors ~~> ??
Keep the comma after "attending," and return that "A" to "a" -- there is no need to start a new sentence here, in addition to NOT starting a sentence with a coordinating conjunction.
How will you correct these?
I don't understand the June 30,2010 part. Shall I put June 30th, 2010?
There will be twenty office supervisors attending, and light refreshments will be provided for breaks.
here's the memo part, the email part will come later. and I understand the date and time thing now. I need to put a period between a.m.
3. Draft an interoffice memorandum to Miriam Hopkins, the Director of Human
a. Assume that you’ve received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for the date,
time, and materials needed. The trainer he has assigned is Deb Walker
b. Outline the arrangements you’ve made, providing explanations as needed. Your
goal is to assure her that you’ve covered all of the details.
c. Invent any additional details as needed.
here's what I have:
To: Miriam Hopkins
From: Jane Doe
Date: February 20, 2010
Subject: Training seminar
Arrangements have been made for the sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination training seminar on June 30, 2010. It will last for two hours in conference room B. It will begin at 8:30 a.m. Deb Walker will be the trainer. Materials and refreshments will be furnished. A fifteen minute break is scheduled .
All office supervisors must attend.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call me (x261)
have you done the e-mail.can you send me a copy of it.i wnat to have an idea
To: Deb.Walker wydadecscom<Deb Walker>
CC: Jeremy.Dittmer wydadecscom<Jeremy Dittmer>,m.hopkins BroadworthGHorg<Miriam Hopkins>
Subject: Broadworth General Hospital Training Seminar
Dear Ms Walker,
I am writing to confirm the training seminar held at Broadworth General Hospital Training Seminar. The seminar will be held at 8:30am on February 12, 2011. The small conference room on the west wing of the hospital is where you can setup your supplies. Check in with the receptionist in the west wing lobby to inform me of your arrival.
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at (xxx)xxx-xxxx
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