posted by Franco on .
Can you (Writeateacher) check the punctuation and word choice of my last three paragraphs please?
Thank you in advance
1) Coketown was a town of red brick blackened by industrial pollution. Actually, it was dominated by chimneys from which smoke coiled up like snakes.
2) Dickens uses two similes to describe its dull appearance. First, he describes it as having the painted face of a savage, because of the red of its brick and the black of its soot. The use of personification starts to give the town human characteristics. Then he likens the action of the piston of the steam-engine to the head of an elephant in a state of melancholy madness. The similes are drawn from the animal world and share the connotation of wilderness.
3) The theme of pollution is enforced by the use adjectives such as “black” and “purple” to describe the canal and the river.
4) Then Dickens goes on to describe its residents. They look like one another (they resemble each other?) and they are condemned to do the same monotonous work day after day with no possibility of escape their soul destroying routine. The tedium of Coketown is emphasized by the fact that two totally opposite buildings, the jail and the infirmary, look the same.
5) The headmaster’s name, “M’ Choakumchild”, suggests that the school was a place of hatred which chocked (repressed) the children’s imagination and implied the use of corporal punishment. 6) Dickens is critical of the education of the day which was mainly based on the acquisition of facts and neglected the importance of sensibility . He contrasts this educational philosophy with the rich and colourful life of the imagination as experienced by the circus folk.
#1 is fine.
#2 -- the word "it" needs to be clarified. The rest is fine.
#3 -- Add "of" after "use"
#4 -- again, clarifiy "its" -- change "escape" to "escaping" -- hyphenate "soul-destroying"
#5 -- correct the spelling: choked
#6 is fine.
Delete everything in parentheses.