Posted by mysterychicken on Saturday, January 23, 2010 at 8:35pm.
The wind blew against my face, bringing the smell of leaves and pinecones to my nose. I could hear kids playing in their backyards, riding their bikes or maybe playing a game with the neighbors. These were the things that I usually experienced in my home in the state of South Carolina. I loved (IF HE IS STILL THERE, WHY PAST TENSE?) it here; the beaches in the summer, the cabin that my parents owned in the winter. Everything here was familiar to me (COMMA) since I was born in this very home 13 years ago. I had no idea that my life was about to be completely changed.
It seemed to be a normal day. I got dismissed from school ("DISMISSED"? WAS THE SCHOOL DAY OVER, OR DID HE GET SENT HOME EARLY FOR SOME REASON?) and climbed up the big green hill to go to my house which was perched on top. It was unusually sunny, even for the blistering South Carolinian heat. When I got home, I wanted to ask my mom to make me a cup of lemonade, but when I entered, I realized that both of my parents were sitting in the family room just outside of the kitchen, apparently waiting for me.
I approached them with a questioning look on my face. “Hey guys, can I get a cup of lemonade?”
“Sure, sweetheart.” My mom got up to go get it for me as it was already made. My dad shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
I sipped my lemonade slowly, waiting for one of them to begin ("SPEAK"?). Finally my dad cleared his throat. “Jacob, we need to talk about something.”
My mind started to race; what could I have done? I never got in trouble at school and usually got good grades. I had never even gotten in a fight. What could they want to talk about?
“We know that you love it here in South Carolina, and that you’re already settled here (COMMA) but we have no choice now. We have to move.”
My heart stopped; I couldn’t believe my ears. I was about to drop my lemonade glass from my hand. Finally I found my voice. “You’re... kidding, right?”
My mom frowned. “No honey, we’re not. I know this won’t be easy for you (COMMA) but it’s not easy for us either. Your dad’s company relocated to New Jersey (COMMA) and if he wants to keep this job, we have to move too.”
“No! I don’t want to move to New Jersey! I’ve never even been there before. You guys can’t be serious; you can’t do this to me!”
“Jacob, just as you got settled here, you’ll get settled over there. Besides, New Jersey is a great state. You’ll love it there, you’ll see. Please start packing your stuff. We’re expected there next week.” My dad finished the conversation and got up to get boxes for our stuff. I sat frozen in my spot.
My thoughts started racing. This was where my home was, my school, my friends, my everything. This was the place I was born and I loved it here. How could this be happening?
After what seemed like forever, sitting in that one chair, my mom came to me and told me dinner was ready. I definitely had no appetite to eat (COMMA) so I excused my self with the defense of homework. When I got to my room, I tried to stop the tears from coming. I would really miss this room; it had been mine forever. What kind of room would I have in New Jersey? What if I couldn’t make friends there? I was so troubled (COMMA) I forced myself to go to sleep (COMMA) even though it was still early.
The next day we started packing. I left for school but when I got back, the whole downstairs of our house was in boxes. My parents looked exhausted (COMMA) and so did the workers. Tomorrow, the upstairs would be packed (COMMA) and since it was a Saturday, I would have to witness it.
I got up earlier than the sun and started putting my valuable things in the cartons that had arrived in my room last night: comic book collection, cars, action figures, old pictures, school stuff, etc. Before I knew it (COMMA) we were done and my dad was booking us flights for New Jersey in 2 days.
On Monday morning, my last day of school, I took many pictures. I took a picture of the big brown building of Brookdale Middle School, South Carolina’s biggest middle school. I took a picture with all of my friends and teachers whom I would miss so much. I had to save the picture of the South Carolinian beaches in my mind (COMMA) since we were too busy to visit them once before leaving. This made me even sadder.
Finally the day to depart arrived, even though I was dreading it horribly. I had already said a tearful goodbye to everyone and everything that I knew in South Carolina and was emotionally prepared for whatever was to come. I obviously had no choice in what was happening. We left our house, and I took one last look at it. I had spent 13 years in the same house, and it contained many memories which we were leaving behind. I quickly stopped a tear from escaping my eye.
The flight to New Jersey was not long. We got off the airplane (COMMA) and a car was waiting for us outside of the airport, sent from my dad’s company. My parents seemed so excited to be here; I tried not to look around as we drove (COMMA) but the lights in downtown New Jersey were so bright that I couldn’t help it. They were actually really pretty, and the buildings were much higher than the ones in South Carolina.
“See Jake, I told you you’d like it.”
I tried to ignore my dad’s remark and kept looking outside the window. It actually wasn’t so bad.
Soon, we arrived to our new house, which was almost as big as the one in South Carolina. Sure it wasn’t perched on a hill like the old one, but that was because I barely saw any hills in New Jersey. My room here was bigger than the one in South Carolina, and I almost smiled at the thought of having more space for my comic book collection. That smile soon disappeared (COMMA) when I realized that I had to go to school tomorrow, which would be especially hard since it was the middle of the year. Weary from the trip, I fell asleep on the mattress in my room right away.
My mom woke me up the next morning at 7 to go to school. I quickly drained a bowl of cereal and nervously waited for the bus to arrive. My parents kissed me goodbye and wished me good luck, and then I left. The bus to Jersey Middle School was packed with kids. Everyone looked curiously at me, obviously noticing that I was new. I kept my gaze down and tried to find an empty seat (COMMA) but there were ("WAS"? YOU ARE ONLY LOOKING FOR ONE SEAT.) none. I ended up having to sit next to a boy who looked to be in the 8th grade like me. He smiled at me, appearing very friendly. “Hi. My name’s Alex. What’s yours? You look new here.”
I tried to smile back. “I’m Jacob. I just moved here from South Carolina.”
He seemed to find this news great. “Wow, South Carolina! Really? I’ve heard it has great beaches. I’ve never been there though.”
The rest of the trip I described the physical landscape of South Carolina to him and my life there. He seemed very interested (COMMA) and I realized that he and I could be good friends. He seemed ready enough. “I can show you around the whole school if you’d like and help you out with the classes and everything. You can even sit with me and my friends at lunch.”
“That sounds great.”
Throughout the day (COMMA) I didn’t have as much trouble as I thought I would have. The teachers were nice, and most of the kids were friendly. My 8th grade class wasn’t very big, and neither was the school, so everyone knew almost everyone by name.
When I got home, my mom wanted to know how my day went. “It was great, actually. The kids are really nice (COMMA) and I made a lot of new friends thanks to Alex. I might even go to someone’s house over the weekend.”
That night as I did my homework, I realized something about my current situation in life. At first I didn’t want to move from South Carolina (COMMA) because I thought that seeing a new place and meeting new people would be difficult and impossible after spending 13 years in one place. But now, I really liked it. Life’s all about getting to make more friends, seeing different places, and enjoying no matter what you come to. I was actually glad that we moved here (COMMA) so that I could experience so much more stuff that I couldn’t have experienced in South Carolina. My parents were right. Eventually I would get settled here, and I could always visit South Carolina. The thought that made me the happiest was that I now had two homes: South Carolina and New Jersey. And I loved both of them very much!
Excellent narrative! However, you need to review data on the use of commas.
I hope these suggestions help.
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