Posted by y912f on Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 2:13pm.
how about this:
Introduction—reader’s attention and states thesis statement.
The first paragraph should get the reader’s attention and sate the thesis statement.
Since I was a little kid my family has been visiting Asheville, North Carolina, every year for a vacation. I still remember the first time I went there; I was astounded as I entered into the green world of breathtaking beauty, peace, and tranquility. The memory of me standing in the middle of the spectacular meadow surrounded by gigantic trees towering to the sky is still vivid. It was my first time ever visiting such a place. I had never seen so much nature and greenery in any place I had ever been to before. However, the scenery is not the only thing that I love about Asheville.
The LAST SENTENCE OF THE FIRST PARAGRAPH states the THESIS STATEMENT with the three-step format. This is the topic and the main idea about the topic with the three points that you plan to discuss in your essay.
Asheville, North Carolina, is a fun and relaxing place to visit because of its refreshing river, beautiful picnic spots, and various ice-cream parlors
Grammar and Composition - y912f, Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 2:33pm
pleease tell me if this is ok so i can keep going on the rest
Grammar and Composition - bobpursley, Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 2:41pm
I think it is better, but could be better. Go on, but think on revising. I assume you read the Twain essay I gave you. Aim for that language. You can do it, but after you take a break, come back, read it aloud, and revise. You want to be just as vivid as Twain, or Thoreau. I am certain you can. The reader ought to soak it in, feel like they are there, and wonder what is next.
Proceed with more. But the key to great writing is revise, revise, revise
Grammar and Composition - y912f, Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 2:55pm
thank you. your comments are helping a lot.
i have also posted the first part of the body paragraph. if you have any more details that i can add pleaaase let me know
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