posted by Jessica on .
Can you eliminate all the crutch verbs in this story and still make it sound good?
I prefer to live life in a large city where I can enjoy the freedom to do things that can't be done in a small town, where thier life's like thier neighbors. Their beliefs regarding proper behavior, are in need conformity. If his actions or thinking differs from their general expectations, he will be an object of suspicion. His expression of ideas which are in disagreement with those ofother's, will often have the result of his rejection by them and his isolation from the life around him. His inability to exchange new ideas about the world will put an end to his intellectual growth. Abiding by the small town standards means limiting hisexperience in ways of looking at the world. In a big city, there are many people who believe differently and who engage different behaviors and shows toleration for differences among people. In a big city, a person has more independence from the people who live around him. People there have no knowledge of his background or who his relations are. There may be disapproval on the part of some people in regard to his behavior but they are not the only associations a person has to have. Seeking out other people with more freedom of thought is always a possibility for him. Then there can be the exchange of ideas with them, and learning from them. His experience with new ideas will lead to a better understanding of the world around him and to better decisions in regard to his behavior. There is a truth in the idea that many people have a desire to live in a small town because there they find more security and greater simplicity of life. But this way of living misses something of great importance. Such individuals have no freedom toachieve independence. They are only reflections of the thinking and of the behavior of the people around them.
Here are the first two sentences:
I prefer to live life<~~delete "life" in a large city where I can enjoy the freedom of a small town, where people can live as their neighbors do. Their<~~whose?? beliefs regarding proper behavior,<~~delete comma are in need conformity<~~very awkward phrasing and not clear in meaning -- "in need of conformity" to what?. If his<~~whose?? actions or thinking differs from their<~~whose?? general expectations, he<~~whose?? will be an object of suspicion.
Now you go through and work on the rest. Please repost when you have this all cleaned up.