Saturday
August 2, 2014

Homework Help: someone to correct?

Posted by tull on Sunday, January 14, 2007 at 5:46pm.

Roses are Red is not fiction, this is really happening in the world today. We are watching television every day, movies, series etc.The Mastermind exists unfortunately. There is always sick people in the news who are doing sick things. James Patterson has written a book that does not allow you to just take one part of it to discuss. The whole book was really interesting. I just could not stop reading it. What I find the most fascinating is this feeling I had all the time. But something really caught my attention, and that is the mind of The Mastermind. He raped some girls in the book, he killed so many innocent people especially mothers and kids.I saw what was happening inside of his head, what he was thinking about and how he enjoyed everything he did. I wonder what must happen in one's head that person becomes an animal? In the book he enjoyed hurting people, he even poisoned some and than watched them dying. After each murder and torcher he needed more. What is really happening in the mind of the killer? All of these people, young and old, white and minority, middle class and poor, share characteristics which transformes them from average citizens to coldblooded killers. Our main protagonist tried to understand how The Mastermind was thinking. But he could not. For us, normal people, there is no way to understand behaviour of killers.
I was fascinated how a killer can plan murders and robberies in every little detail, have a sick mind and never be caught, not even be a suspect. He had also some brilliant ideas, he knew almost everything, he was smart. He also knew how not to make a mistake but also knew how to hurt people, his friends were not an exception. Couple of times he described exactly what he did and that part of book was hard to read, because you have to imagine his movements and you have to imagine him. But that is the way how killers behave. They are always such a nice people. We can also see that on the television, in case of kidnappers who confuse children by being so nice and pleasant that children believe them. Probably deep inside they want to be caught. In the first place they were probably children without parents, without friends, without any attention and love. And what they want is to be in the limelight. The Mastermind also wanted attention, and he got a lot if it. He was always pleased with how everything was progressing. He wished he could have been at both, robbing banks and killing those people himself. In his mind, he imagines the sight and smell of the murders and relishes in it.
He was constantly looking for the next recruits. He was smart and very professional. I think he didn’t know what is right and what is wrong. His view was either everything is right or everything is wrong. He could never express his own feelings. He didn’t understand his actions and was not sure about his thoughts. He was living in his own world, world which we normal people cannot understand. But every human being choose his path. We choose to move forward or to simply give up. H.L. Mencken wrote, "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." Is that true? Does every human being have to snap from time to time? Was The Mastermind once a normal human being, our neighbour, our friend? We are surrounded by normal people. But what is normal? Do we have to hope that we are normal? Is this life just a big mistake? Are we loosing our mind? And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely.
At this moment, there are 6,502,867,120 people in the world. Give or take a few. And sometimes all you need is one for better or for worse. And that is sometimes our neighbour or friend. There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads, like The Mastermind did. The choices he made in those moments have define the rest of his life. He let the time take it all. That is why I took this aspect of the book, it was most thought- provoking and intriguing. It is only when you are tested that you truly discover who you are and who you can be. George Eliot once wrote,"There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed, to have despaired and recovered hope." Do we live to suffer? Are we all in the end the same? Henry James wrote,"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact". There will always be something to win and to lose, to ruin our lives, it all depends on what or which finds us first.


James Patterson’s Roses are Red is not fiction,<~~run-on here; make into two sentences this is really happening in the world today. We are watching television every day, movies, series<~~add comma etc.<~~add space after sentence The Mastermind exists unfortunately. There is<~~verb needs to be plural because people is plural always sick<~~you are using “sick” as a slang term; do you mean “mentally deranged”? people in the news who are doing sick<~~?? things. James Patterson has written a book that does not allow youcorrect all “you” and other 2nd-person references to just take one part of it to discuss. The whole book was really interesting. I just could not stop reading it.<~~these last two sentences are superfluous; delete them What I find the most fascinating is this feeling I had all the time.<~~if you’re not going to tell what the feeling was, delete that sentence, too But something really caught my attention, and that is the mind of The Mastermind.<~~wordy; revise: “The mind of the Mastermind really caught my attention.” He raped some girls in the book, <~~run-on here; make into two sentences he killed so many innocent people especially mothers and kids. <~~add space after sentence I saw what was happening inside of his head, what he was thinking about and how he enjoyed everything he did. I wonder what must happen in one's head that person becomes an animal? In the book he enjoyed hurting people, he even poisoned some and than watched them dying. After each murder and torcher he needed more. What is really happening in the mind of the killer? All of these people, young and old, white and minority, middle class and poor, share characteristics which transformes them from average citizens to coldblooded killers. Our main protagonist tried to understand how The Mastermind was thinking. But he could not. For us, normal people, there is no way to understand behaviour of killers.

This is as far as I could get. Far too many errors in there.

1. Get rid of all "I" and "you" references except maybe one or two "I" references in the intro and concl.
http://www.nutsandboltsguide.com/rhetoric.html
Scroll down to First and Second Person.

2. The first paragraph has far too much story information to be a true introduction.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/endings.htm

3. There's much too much redundancy/repetition in your writing. There are whole sentences that need to be deleted because they add nothing to the ideas.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/combining_skills.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sentences.htm

4. Make sure there are NO run-ons or fragments.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm

5. Put the whole thing through a spell checker.

Then re-post -- one paragraph at a time. This is too much at one sitting.

Thanks.

=)

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