Can someone edit this
Dear Admissions,
I was pleased to find that the University of Connecticut allowed for applicants to submit a writing supplement along with their applications. So, I have taken this opportunity to show the main experiences that I have experienced the past 4 years and their direct affects on my grades earlier in my high school career.
With that said, I think it is essential that you know that I wrote this supplement not with the intentions of evoking sympathy, but rather empathy. You see, there is no true way in which I can put you in my shoes. There is no extraordinarily remarkable way in which I can miraculously have you feel what I have felt and see what I have seen, just as there is no way to reverse time and redo my past. Thus, I have constituted this supplement with the intention of having you understand the stories behind my transcript and to give you a better understanding as to who I am. It is my best effort to having you see what I see, as I hope you come to understand me as a beneficial asset to the University of Connecticut.
Sincerely,
Christine Savino
Christine, you are still wordy. Most students do not do a cover letter, but I have to say, your second paragraph is really distracting from your story.
I would recommend this....
Dear Dean of Admissions (I would put his/her name in that salutation)
Attached is a supplemental letter to my admissions package, which contains some valuable and important information regarding me.
Thank you for reading it.
Sincerely.
xxxx
As I have written to you a couple of times before, Christine, very often, simpler is better. Shorter sentences are better (eye catching, and absorbed).
Good luck
Print the letter on quality bond paper.
is the director of admissions the same as a dean of admssions?
and if so, would I just say; Dear Director of Admissions, Lee H. Melvin,
or would I just put dear Lee H. Melvin,
never mind mind I figured it out
Subject: Request for Understanding: Supplement to my Application
Dear Admissions,
I was delighted to learn that the University of Connecticut offers the opportunity for applicants to submit a writing supplement along with their applications. I have chosen to take advantage of this opportunity to share the significant experiences I have had over the past four years and how they directly impacted my academic performance during my earlier years in high school.
First and foremost, I want to clarify that the purpose of this supplement is not to evoke sympathy but rather to foster empathy. I understand that it is impossible for you to fully comprehend my experiences as if you were in my shoes. There is no extraordinary method by which I can magically make you feel the same emotions I have felt or see the exact things I have witnessed. Similarly, I cannot turn back time and change the course of my past. Hence, I have created this supplement with the intention of helping you understand the stories behind my transcript and gaining a better insight into who I am as a person. It is my sincerest attempt to enable you to see the world through my eyes, as I hope you will come to recognize me as a valuable asset to the University of Connecticut.
Sincerely,
Christine Savino
Note: Apart from enhancing the clarity and flow of the letter, editing requires a personal touch and understanding of the author's intent. While I have made some changes, it's always recommended to have a human editor review any content.