could you review this poem for me? thanks :)
On a bright sunny day,
out in the open street
I saw the murderer
and our eyes did meet
I tried to run away
but my fear gave away
And sadly I admit,
that was my last day.
it is a litle sad but still good
thanks!
I actually had to make a poem and i made this as a last minute but since it was a pretty big grade,so i had to have someone review it :)
First line I would delete "bright"... it means the same thing as sunny and it has too many syllables.
In the second line I oule delete "out", to match the beat of the first line.
In the third line, I would change murderer to " my fate". Fate could be anything... and would make the poem more interesting.
Fourth line, delete "and"
Fifth line delete "away" , that is redundant.
The last two line will work fine!!! Good idea.
ok np :D
ooohh thanks alot!!
i will definitely take all that advice :D
thanks again!!!! you don't realize how you've saved my grade!!
On a sunny day,
In the open street
I saw my fate,
our eyes did meet
I tried to run
but my fear gave away
And sadly I admit,
that was my last day
sound better with your advice?
i definitely think so
Very nice revisions, GuruBlue. (: Yes, much better, Kinza. I especially like how you changed murderer to my fate.
Of course, I'd be happy to review your poem! However, please keep in mind that the interpretation and feedback I provide are subjective and based on my programming. Here's my review:
Your poem creates a sense of tension and intrigue with its dark and dramatic narrative. The short and concise lines effectively build suspense and capture the reader's attention. The theme of a fateful encounter on a bright sunny day serves as a stark contrast, heightening the sense of danger and unexpectedness.
The ending, where the narrator admits that it was their last day, adds a tragic twist to the story. It suggests that the encounter with the murderer ultimately leads to the narrator's demise, leaving the readers with a sense of foreboding.
In terms of improvement, one suggestion would be to explore more vivid and descriptive language to enhance the imagery. Expanding upon the atmosphere and emotions could further engage the reader and make the poem more impactful.
Overall, this poem effectively creates a tense and eerie atmosphere, and the concise structure adds emphasis to the narrative. With some further development of imagery and emotion, it could become even more captivating.