english/please revise

Baluch struggle during the 1970’s, most importantly the insurgency, left a legacy of resentment and enduring hostility towards the Pakistani government. Still, today’s conflict key parties are the Pakistani government and the Baluch people of Baluchistan. Pakistan is governed as an “ethnic nation” with dictatorial political structure (Jaffrelot 32). It remains firmly under the control of the military government headed by General Pervez Musharraf a military bureaucrat that rules under Islamic principles (Grare 4). In 2001 Musharraf declared himself president, in 2002, he amended the Pakistan constitution without the participation of parliament. This Legal Framework Order (LFO) amendment further gave Musharraf complete control over parliament which he used to change the electoral rules to disadvantage opposition parties (Freedom House). The LFO also gave him the right to unilaterally dismiss the national and provincial parliaments, as well as providing for a National Security Council under the control of military figures that would supervise the work of a civilian cabinet. Thus, Mushrraf reforms further emphasized the already centralized character of the constitution, making small provinces to feel alienated (Jaffrelot 51).
In December 2005, after a rocket attack targeted president Musharraf, he refused to engage Baluchi groups politically and initiated counterinsurgency paramilitary operations, which has led to a humanitarian crisis (Freedom House). During the insurgency the army killed the 79-year-old Baluchi separatist leader Nawab Akbar Khan Bugti and a number of his followers. Bugti’s death led to increased political instability and rioting, increasing the tensions among Baluchi’s (Freedom House).

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  1. Add the word "The" before "Baluch" at the very beginning of the first sentence.

    In "today's conflict key parties" there seems to be something missing. It's incomplete.

    Comma after "Musharraf" in the fourth sentence

    Use "who" after "bureaucrat" (not "that")

    Comma after "2001"

    Run-on between "president" and "in 2002"
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm

    Add "the" before "disadvantage" and add "of" after "disadvantage"

    Change "providing" to "provide" - for parallel structure
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

    In the last sentence of the first paragraph, use "Musharraf's"

    Comma after "insurgency"

  2. is this ok?

    In 2001, Musharraf, declared himself president. In 2002, he amended the Pakistan constitution without the participation of parliament.

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    posted by christi
  3. In 2001, Musharraf, declared himself president. In 2002, he amended the Pakistan constitution without the participation of parliament.

    Delete the comma after Musharraf and add the article, "the," before "parliament."

    I hope this helps. Thanks for asking.

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    posted by PsyDAG

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