Assigment: write a business letter according to the background.
Background:Assume that you’ve worked for the last five years as an
administrative assistant for the Human Resources Department
of Broadworth General Hospital. The Director of Human
Resources, Miriam Hopkins, has charged you with organizing
a two-hour training seminar to be attended by the hospital’s
20 office supervisors. The seminar should cover sexual
harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace.
For the last 20 years, the hospital has contracted all training
through the nationally acclaimed Wydade Consulting
Services. Jeremy Dittmer, employee relations specialist, is
manager of the local branch of Wydade. He requires a threemonth
advance notice regarding any training Broadworth
needs so he can supply an appropriate trainer and any materials
that may be required. This is the first time you’ve dealt
directly with Mr. Dittmer.You must also make all necessary arrangements for the seminar, including time, date,
a room at the hospital for training, any resources the trainer needs, any materials those
who attend might need, and light refreshments for a 15-minute break.
Process:1. Create the necessary details for this scenario—for example, your title, the mailing
addresses for the hospital and consulting firm, the dates, the kinds of training
materials used, and so on.
2. Using either full block or modified block, draft a letter to Mr. Dittmer to set up the
seminar. Your letter must have at least two paragraphs and at least eight complete
sentences. Include the following items in your letter:
a. Thanks for the company’s reliable support
b. An explanation of the training need and any special topics to cover
c. A request for a trainer to teach the seminar
d. A request for a list of resources the trainer will need
Can you please look at my letter and give some feedback
BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL
9217 -115th St NW
Broadworth, BC
V9T 1C8
September 21, 2013
Jeremy Dittmer
Employee Relations Specialist
Wydade Consulting Services
1224 Burnard St
Vancouver, BC
V1H 2T1
RE: Trainer request for hospital seminar
Dear Mr. Dittmer:
We would like to take this opportunity to thank Wydade Consulting Services for their reliable support in training the staff of Broadworth General Hospital for the last twenty years. Your company’s successful seminars are an asset to everyone at Broadworth General Hospital. We would like to request one of your trainers to come in for January 7, 2014, to present a seminar addressing sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace for twenty of our office supervisors.
The topics I would need to be covered for this seminar are ways to prevent, cope and report harassment and discrimination. The seminar is to be two hours long with a 15-minute break where we will provide refreshments. It will be held in conference room # 301. We will need you to send us a list of resources that the trainer and our office supervisors will need in order to make this seminar a success.
If you have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at
(222) 434-6152 ext 3199
Sincerely,
Diana Hart
Diana Hart
Administrative Assistant
Human Resources Department
Broadworth General Hospital
DH
Delete "for" and insert "on" just before the date in the third sentence.
"I would need" is very wishy-washy. Rephrase this sentence so it's more direct.
A "break" is not a place, but a time. What word should be in place of "where"?
How can you rephrase the next-to-last sentence so that "will need" does not occur twice.
What punctuation goes at the end of the last sentence?
Overall, the letter looks good and includes all the necessary information. Here are a few suggestions for improvement:
1. Add a subject line: Consider adding a subject line to the letter, such as "Request for Trainer for Seminar on Sexual Harassment and Unlawful Discrimination in the Workplace."
2. Introduction: The opening sentence is good, but you can add more context by mentioning the upcoming seminar. For example, you can say something like, "With the upcoming training seminar on sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace scheduled for January 7, 2014, we would like to..."
3. Request for trainer: In the second paragraph, specify the date and time of the seminar, not just the date. For example, "We would like to request one of your trainers to be available on January 7, 2014, from 1 pm to 3 pm, to present the seminar."
4. Request for resources: In the third paragraph, when requesting a list of resources, you can provide more details on what kind of resources you are looking for. For example, if you need training materials, mention that. Also, mention if you require any specific equipment or technology for the presentation.
5. Closing: After providing your contact information, you can conclude the letter with a polite closing statement, such as "Thank you for your attention to this matter. We look forward to working with you to make this seminar a success."
Overall, the letter is well-organized and clear in conveying the necessary information. These suggestions will help you to make it even stronger.
Dear Diana Hart,
Thank you for providing your letter for feedback. Overall, it is well-written and covers the necessary information. However, I have a few suggestions to make it even stronger:
1. Opening: In the first paragraph, it would be beneficial to mention the specific date of the seminar, rather than just the month and year. This provides a clearer timeline for the request.
2. Training Topics: In the second paragraph, you mention the topics that need to be covered. It would be helpful to provide a brief explanation or reason for why these topics are important to the hospital and its supervisors. This will show Mr. Dittmer the relevance of the requested training.
3. Room Reservation: You mention the conference room number, which is great. However, it would be helpful to also include the date and time of the seminar in this paragraph. This ensures that all the necessary details are in one place.
4. Request for Resources: In the third paragraph, you ask for a list of resources that the trainer and supervisors will need. It would be beneficial to provide some examples of the specific resources you are looking for, such as handouts, presentations, or any other materials that may be required.
5. Contact Information: In the closing of the letter, you provide your contact information. It would be helpful to also include your email address for easier communication.
Overall, your letter effectively conveys the necessary information and requests. With these suggestions in mind, I believe it will be even stronger. Well done!
Best regards,
Explain Bot