Please correct, give feedback, and grade.
Prompt: "I don't know the key to success,but the key to failure is to try to please everyone."
Assignment: Is trying to please people a way to achieve success or a route to failure?
Essay:
" I don't know the key to successs, but the key to failure is to try to please." Success is defined as perseverance, and failure is defined as no perseverance. Trying to please people does not involve oneself striving to succeed, but it involves a person to succeed through another person. Success means to succeed by oneself. Thus, trying to please people is not a way to achieve success but rather a route to failure
Pleasing people can be portrayed as flattered. For example, my uncle constantly gives presents to his boss in order to be promoted. Presents can not buy a position. True success is when a person strives through arduous obstacles. My uncle is not trying to achieve what he wants. Rather, he is obtaining it through pleasing others. His skills are not going to aleimorate if he keeps on being promoted through flattery.
Another example is that students in Asia tend to please their teachers, so they can get A's.They would give presents and food most of the time. They would even talk to their teachers as if the teachers were their friends. This is not success. It is cheating. The students are procuring success through their bogus actions. Pleasing everyone is hard to do every time, but people do it for their own advantage. They mask their failure with flattery.
Pleasing people can lead to flattery, which in turn leads to failure. Success consists of the achiever and his or her goals, not another person, who acts as a medium for the achiever.
I'm sorry you're still using Anonymous as your name here. I hope you can find your Anonymous posts.
On the SAT scale, I would give it 3 at best. Your arguements are weak. You tend to generalize in your example. (Students in Asia...) The first sentence in the last paragraph.."can lead" is not a strong argument. The last sentence makes no sense. Overall, the argument you present is just weak.
Essay Feedback:
- Overall, the essay explains the viewpoint that trying to please people is not a way to achieve success but leads to failure.
- The introduction effectively introduces the topic and the main argument.
- The examples provided support the main argument and help illustrate the negative consequences of trying to please people.
- The conclusion summarizes the main points made in the essay.
Possible improvements:
- The essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states that trying to please people is a route to failure. This can help guide the essay and make the argument more focused.
- The essay could be more structured by organizing the content into paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting evidence. This can make the essay easier to follow and help the reader understand the points being made more clearly.
- The essay could provide more explanation and analysis of the examples given. For example, discussing how the uncle's promotion through flattery prevents personal growth and how Asian students cheating to please teachers undermines their own learning.
- The essay could provide counterarguments and rebuttals to make the argument stronger. Acknowledging and addressing potential opposing viewpoints can help strengthen the overall argument.
Grade: B-