Is any one can help me to revise my college application? Thank you.
Question:
Please describe which of these activities ( extracurricular or personal activities or work experience) has had the most meaning for you, and why.
I was used to be a President of class in high school. I could contact with more people and listen to more opinions by working in this position. Listening provides a good leadership. Being a good listener is an important skill to survive in a college. In the classes, I listen to professor; when communicate with classmates, I listen to their opinions. As a new comer in this country, listen to others become more necessary to me. Listening means thinking, because I can analysis what others think; listening means speaking, in order to let people listen to me, I should be a good listener first; listening means learning, since I can learn from others speeches. College is a place where I prepare myself for this small community and in future for the big world.
Good Lord. Did you proof this yourself? Please do so, then repost. We will be happy to review it.
Learning to review your own work is and essential college skill.
You didn't really answer the question -- "Describe which of these activities [extracurricular or personal or work experience] has had the most meaning for you and why."
First, you need to tell which of the activities meant the most to you.
Second, you need to describe that activity.
Finally, you need to explain why this activity was so important to you.
I did revise myself, but now I will revise it again base on your opinions, thank you.
I have another activity to tell which I think is better than this one, but I mentioned it on my essay. If I talk about it in this question again, is that good for me?
I would focus on one activity only.
In your original essay on class president, the essay did not speak strongly of college preparation in my opinion. But more importantly, what you say and how you say it are what is the point here. Focus on language, grammar, and answering the question. that is where you fell short originally.
To revise your college application, start by addressing the question prompt directly. The question asks you to describe which extracurricular, personal activity, or work experience has had the most meaning for you and why.
In your initial response, you mentioned being the President of your high school class. Now, expand on that by providing a more detailed description of your role and responsibilities as class president. Describe the impact you had on your classmates and the overall school community. How did this experience shape your leadership skills and personal growth?
Next, explain why this activity was significant to you. Share specific examples of instances where your position as class president allowed you to connect with people and listen to their opinions. Emphasize the importance of being a good listener in a college setting, highlighting how this skill will benefit you in your academic and social interactions. As a newcomer in the country, highlight how listening has become even more necessary, as it helps you understand different perspectives and learn from others.
Lastly, ensure that your revised essay demonstrates strong writing skills and effectively communicates your ideas. Pay attention to grammar, sentence structure, and coherence. Proofread the essay multiple times or ask for assistance from someone you trust to help you catch any mistakes or areas that may need further improvement.
Regarding your question about mentioning another activity in this response, it is generally recommended to focus on one activity to provide a more detailed and compelling explanation. However, if you believe that the second activity is significantly more meaningful to you than being class president, you could mention it briefly and explain why it holds greater importance. Just be mindful of not overshadowing or diluting the main focus of your essay, which should be the activity you choose to describe in more depth.