SAT Essay
Please grade.
"Life without memory is no life at all, just as an intelligence without the possibility of expression is not really an intelligence. Our memory is our coherence,our reason, even our action. Without it, we are nothing."
- Luis Bunuel, An Unspeakable Betrayal
"Many a man fails to become a thinker for the sole reason that his memory is too good."
Fried rich Nietzsche, Naxims
Assignment: Is memory as central as Bunuel believes or does it merely hold us back?
Essay
Memories can be precious and it can be horrible. "Life without memory is no life at all,...". This quote claims that memory is important and is the main ingredient of life. Unlike this quote, the other claims that a person fails to think properly due to the fact that his or her memory is "too good". Memory is not central,but rather it holds us back.
Everyone encounters unfortunate events in his or her life. It is a thing that can not be avoided. If a person remembers those adversaries, then life is likely to be sad. Thinking of distresses can deteriorate a person's mental health. For example, if a parent abuses a child, then that child will remember it. Having that memory does not brighten up a child's life. Another example, is being bullied. The victims of bullies will likely to remember what happened to them. This holds them back into the unfavorable past. Sad and unpleasant memories restrain a person from living in the present.
How can a person be defined by memory? Memory does not create a person. There are many more aspects of life to consider and not just memory alone. Some of the examples are love,kindness,and care. I strongly disagree "Without it, we are nothing." The past is the past. A person has to move on and cope with other problems in life. No one can stay in the same place forever. For instance, no one can always live with or his parents forever. Things change. The past is stationary. There is no change. Life is a cycle. The cycle has to move in a set pattern. There should not be anything to interfere or hold it from circulating.
Memories and the past are already experienced,and there is no need to cling on them and reflect on them deeply. There is no use for doing so. No one can change the past. The life cycle has to be functioning moderately (is that grammatically correct?).
I'd give this a 2 ... and that would be generous.
You have contradicted yourself:
First, you write this: "Thinking of distresses can deteriorate a person's mental health. For example, if a parent abuses a child, then that child will remember it. Having that memory does not brighten up a child's life. Another example, is being bullied. The victims of bullies will likely to remember what happened to them. This holds them back into the unfavorable past. Sad and unpleasant memories restrain a person from living in the present."
Then, you write this: "Memory does not create a person. There are many more aspects of life to consider and not just memory alone. Some of the examples are love,kindness,and care. I strongly disagree "Without it, we are nothing." The past is the past. A person has to move on and cope with other problems in life. No one can stay in the same place forever. For instance, no one can always live with or his parents forever. Things change. The past is stationary. There is no change. Life is a cycle. The cycle has to move in a set pattern. There should not be anything to interfere or hold it from circulating. "
My head is spinning!
I guess you and I don't understand your writing in the same way.
First you write this: "This holds them back into the unfavorable past. Sad and unpleasant memories restrain a person from living in the present."
Then you write this: "The past is stationary. There is no change. Life is a cycle. The cycle has to move in a set pattern. There should not be anything to interfere or hold it from circulating."
And you don't see the contradiction??
I think you totally misunderstood the meaning of memory as Brunell used it. Substutute "experiences" for it. Then, the quote means somethign quite different than you wrote upon.
We learn and develope most of what we know and process based on experiences, spaced over time. Then, if we are lucky, we can make minijumps out of that mode to jumping to thinking. Consider the word Gestalt (look it up) or as some say, Phenomenological Perspective. That is the point of these quotes....how we think and process information...
I rate you a 2 on the SAT scale. As Writeacher wrote, your thinking and writing organization seems somwhat muddled, and this is one of the prime factors in SAT grading.
No I Do Not See The Contradiction Do You?
Overall, the essay provides a decent response to the assignment prompt. It argues that memory is not central, but rather holds us back. The writer supports their argument by discussing how unpleasant memories can negatively affect mental health and how a person cannot be defined solely by their memory. They also mention the importance of moving on and not clinging to the past.
However, there are a few areas where the essay could be improved. Firstly, the introduction could be strengthened by providing a more clear thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt. Additionally, it would be beneficial to provide specific examples or evidence to support the points being made. The essay could also benefit from a more organized structure and smoother transitions between paragraphs.
In terms of grammar, there are a few errors. For example, the sentence "Thinking of distresses can deteriorate a person's mental health" should be "Thinking of distresses can deteriorate a person's mental health." Additionally, the phrase "The life cycle has to be functioning moderately" could be rephrased for clarity.
In terms of grading, I would give this essay a score of around 6 out of 10. While it does address the prompt and provide some support for the argument, the essay would benefit from clearer organization, stronger evidence, and better grammar.