Please point out mistakes,give feedback, and grade.
ACT prompt:
In recent years, many schools have adopted a "Great Books"- based curriculum. These schools require students to study certain designated classic books of Western civilizations, arguing that familiarity with these "Great Books" is essential to education. However, opponents of this curriculum argue that forcing teachers and students to use only the "Great Books," most of which are written by white, European authors, results in a biased view on the world. In your opinion, should schools adopt a "Great Books"-based curriculum?
Essay
Many schools require students to learn from the "Great Books"-based curriculum, which is written by white,European authors. Students learn from certain designated classic books about the Western Civilization. The schools believe that it is important in education. The obligation for teachers and students to accept this curriculum can lead to problems. Therefore, schools should not adopt this curriculum.
Certain schools adopt the "Great Books"-based curriculum because they think that learning about Western Cuvilization is key in education. However, this argument is not relevant. Students can still survive and acquire a bright future without employing this curriculum. Education consists of many components and there is no one most important subject.
By excessively enforcing students to learn about the Western Civilization, students and teachers tend to be biased. Thus, the school should not adopt this curriculum. The point of school is to teach students to gain new perspectives and to think critically. For example, if students are presented only one view for the reason of the fall of South Vietnam, then they will believe in it and become biased. The school must function to create multiple critical lens. The curriculum needs to be mixed up and be diverse. In that way, students can form their own opinions and be more aware of their opinions and others. In addition, learning involves the exposure to a variety of culture. Learning a single concept does not expand the student's knowledge. That is, they are stagnant and are not able to integrate diversity.
Another reason why school should not establish the "Great Books" curriculum is that students and teachers are happier when they are not obligated to learn and teach it. A school has a more peaceful atmosphere if both the teachers and students are content in what they are doing. Every school, of course, wants to educate a child, but in order to make the child have the urge to learn, the schools must not force the child. Instead they should allow the child to choose based on his or her own desire. Same with teachers, they should not be forced to teach. Forcing students and teachers to accept the "Great Boojs"-based curriculum can discourage them. Students might get bored and not learn; teachers might not be energetic in their teaching. Essentially, the school will go down.
Adopting the "Great Books" -based curriculum is not a good idea. It can lead to bias and unhappy students and teachers which can lower the school's spirit. Students are truly learning when they become critical.
This is truly ridiculous:
Another reason why school should not establish the "Great Books" curriculum is that students and teachers are happier when they are not obligated to learn and teach it. A school has a more peaceful atmosphere if both the teachers and students are content in what they are doing. Every school, of course, wants to educate a child, but in order to make the child have the urge to learn, the schools must not force the child. Instead they should allow the child to choose based on his or her own desire. Same with teachers, they should not be forced to teach. Forcing students and teachers to accept the "Great Boojs"-based curriculum can discourage them. Students might get bored and not learn; teachers might not be energetic in their teaching. Essentially, the school will go down.
Really?? Is the sole goal of education to keep people happy?
You need to rethink this AND STOP WRITING IN SUCH GENERALITIES.
I'd rank this a very weak 3.
But ......
Use more complex vocabulary. Your writing style is like a 5th grade level.
Feedback:
Overall, your essay addresses the prompt and presents your opinion on whether schools should adopt a "Great Books"-based curriculum. However, there are a few areas where you could improve your essay:
1. Introduction: The introduction could be stronger and more attention-grabbing. Consider starting with a more engaging hook or a thought-provoking question to draw the reader in.
2. Thesis statement: The thesis statement should clearly state your position on whether schools should adopt a "Great Books"-based curriculum. Make sure it is concise and reflects the main points you will discuss in your essay.
3. Organization: While your essay is generally coherent, there are some points that could be better organized. Consider grouping related ideas together and using transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
4. Supporting evidence: Your essay would benefit from including specific examples or evidence to support your claims. For instance, providing examples of biased perspectives or discussing studies on the impact of a "Great Books"-based curriculum would strengthen your arguments.
5. Counterarguments: To further strengthen your essay, consider acknowledging and addressing counterarguments. This would demonstrate a more well-rounded understanding of the topic and make your arguments more convincing.
6. Conclusion: The conclusion summarizes your main points effectively, but it would be stronger if you tied back to your thesis statement and provided a more memorable closing thought.
Grade: B