Can you proofread my essay? The assignment was to write a problem-solution essay on a big social issue in our world.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” A quote once said by Margaret Mead, which means that us as American citizens we need to make a difference. It doesn’t matter the size of how many people want to or who want to as long as they are willing to do what it takes. There is one main issue that is hurting our world that needs to change and it is school lunches not having enough food. There are many ways we can change it such as: proposing more videos, posting signs, and forming a petition.
The main issue in the world is school lunches. In fact, due to Michelle Obama’s proposal we have to reduce the ounces of meat per serving we get and we have to eat more fruits and vegetables. Also, the type of milk that we are served or low fat or reduced milk because it lowers sodium and amount of fat we receive. We have to have a healthier diet and get lesser food. That means elementary students have to have 650 calories. Middle school students have to have 700 calories. High school students have to have 850 calories. If you haven’t seen it on the Internet, kids are starving when they get home like me. When they get home, they eat everything in the house that’s edible. We have many solutions to fix this problem by proposing more videos, posting signs, and forming a petition to get the government to change their mind. There are videos all over the world especially the hit-time video of the song “We are Young,” by Fun and Janelle Monae changing it to “We are Hungry.” This is seriously going to make young people hate the government because of this policy. Second, posting signs around the world, the government can’t help, but see them. Signs that stand out with glittering generalities and words that stand out like “Don’t be Obese, Eat Meat.” Third, forming petitions around the world can also be very valuable, plus you know the media is going to be on the scene. Most people already know when the media is there, it’s going to be everywhere. Anyhow, you can start your own by going to a free website to start a petition.
All in all, school lunches are a big problem in our nation, but it can be solved by these solutions: proposing more videos, posting signs, and forming a petition. This issue needs to be handled before it gets worst. The new school lunch policy is neither good nor bad. It helps us, but it also badly affects us. Take a stand, be the voice! Let’s get rid of this policy.
Sure, I can help you proofread your essay. Here are a few suggestions to improve the clarity and flow of your writing:
1. Introduction:
- Consider rephrasing your opening sentence to make it more concise and engaging. For example, "Margaret Mead once said, 'Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world'."
2. Thesis Statement:
- Make your thesis statement more explicit and specify the problem and solution you will be discussing. For example, "The lack of food in school lunches is a major social issue, and it can be addressed through proposed videos, signs, and a petition."
3. Body Paragraphs:
- When discussing Michelle Obama's proposal, provide more context and explain its purpose. Also, consider using citations or specific examples to support your claims.
- Instead of listing the calorie requirements for elementary, middle, and high school students, consider explaining how these limitations contribute to the problem.
- Provide more reasoning or evidence to support your idea that kids are starving at home. Consider citing statistics or personal experiences to make your argument more persuasive.
4. Solution Paragraphs:
- Change the wording in your transition to make it more clear. For example, instead of "we have many solutions to fix this problem," try "There are several strategies that can help address this issue."
- When discussing videos as a solution, explain how they can effectively raise awareness and impact government decisions. Consider providing relevant examples or statistics to support your point.
- Similarly, when discussing posting signs and forming a petition, clarify how these actions can influence government decisions and gather public support. Provide specific steps or suggestions for readers to take action.
5. Conclusion:
- Expand on your conclusion to summarize your main points more effectively. Restate your thesis and provide a concise summary of your proposed solutions.
- Consider ending your essay with a strong and motivational sentence to encourage readers to take action.
Remember to proofread your essay to correct any errors in grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure.